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July 8th

It has been 2 weeks now since this nightmare happened. I woke up this morning more overwhelmed by grief than ever before. I began screaming and crying. I cried so hard my head felt like it was going to explode. Why did this have to happen to us? We did everything right. I just kept crying out to the Lord to bring my baby back. I fell back asleep in pure exhaustion until I felt Taylor wrap his arms around me and kiss me on my forehead. It was close to noon and he had come home to check on me. I decided I would get up and see how I felt. It didn't take long for me to figure out I felt like I was still drowning.  Mom and Silas were on the deck when I went outside and sat down. I felt like a zombie....I can't stop crying I told my mom.  It just isn't fair. I want my baby back. A beautiful arrangement was sitting on the table and the card read Joe Marchese, The Rockets. This is one of my favorite bands that plays at a ton of weddings that I photograph.   It just amazes me all the people out there that are praying and supporting us through this time. I was really thinking I might just go back to bed but am so glad I didn't because Avie, a friend of mine stopped by.  Avie lost her sweet little angel last Sept. 15th.  She brought me a HUGE HUG, some books and a gift card to Rejuvenation Clinic from she, Jayme and Kathryn.  I can not wait to go get a massage.  Avie and I had a great talk out on the deck.  Being able to talk to someone who has been through the same thing really helps.  I feel so much better.  I believe that Avie and I will begin a strong friendship though all of this. I was telling her how I just feel like there is a hole that I need to fill.  The other day I thought I might go get a puppy.   Then I decided maybe not.  I really like having 2 potty trained dogs :)   I told her how I got on Anthropology and truthfully I can't even tell you what I ordered.  I do know that I ordered some door knobs.  DOOR KNOBS??????   What in the world and I doing?She got a good laugh which made me laugh.   It felt good to laugh! Anyway, I am about to go take my daily bath and get out of my pj's.   Taylor and I are going to attempt going to dinner with some of our friends tonight.   I haven't had much of an appetite since all of this has happened.  Smoothies have been my meal of choice.  I am not kidding.   I have had 1-2 smoothies a day but thinking of Bone Fish is making my mouth water right now.

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