It has been 2 weeks now since this nightmare happened. I woke up this morning more overwhelmed by grief than ever before. I began screaming and crying. I cried so hard my head felt like it was going to explode. Why did this have to happen to us? We did everything right. I just kept crying out to the Lord to bring my baby back. I fell back asleep in pure exhaustion until I felt Taylor wrap his arms around me and kiss me on my forehead. It was close to noon and he had come home to check on me. I decided I would get up and see how I felt. It didn't take long for me to figure out I felt like I was still drowning. Mom and Silas were on the deck when I went outside and sat down. I felt like a zombie....I can't stop crying I told my mom. It just isn't fair. I want my baby back.
A beautiful arrangement was sitting on the table and the card read Joe Marchese, The Rockets. This is one of my favorite bands that plays at a ton of weddings that I photograph. It just amazes me all the people out there that are praying and supporting us through this time.
I was really thinking I might just go back to bed but am so glad I didn't because Avie, a friend of mine stopped by. Avie lost her sweet little angel last Sept. 15th. She brought me a HUGE HUG, some books and a gift card to Rejuvenation Clinic from she, Jayme and Kathryn. I can not wait to go get a massage. Avie and I had a great talk out on the deck. Being able to talk to someone who has been through the same thing really helps. I feel so much better. I believe that Avie and I will begin a strong friendship though all of this.
I was telling her how I just feel like there is a hole that I need to fill. The other day I thought I might go get a puppy. Then I decided maybe not. I really like having 2 potty trained dogs :) I told her how I got on Anthropology and truthfully I can't even tell you what I ordered. I do know that I ordered some door knobs. DOOR KNOBS?????? What in the world and I doing?She got a good laugh which made me laugh. It felt good to laugh!
Anyway, I am about to go take my daily bath and get out of my pj's. Taylor and I are going to attempt going to dinner with some of our friends tonight. I haven't had much of an appetite since all of this has happened. Smoothies have been my meal of choice. I am not kidding. I have had 1-2 smoothies a day but thinking of Bone Fish is making my mouth water right now.
As you all know, I am Mamie's mom, and Mamie was my first child. I was pregnant with her from October 2008 to June 25th, 2009 when she was born a sleeping angel (stillborn) two and a half weeks before her due date. Stillbirth and infant death are realities that too many parents face even today. Did you know that each year 1 in 115 babies delivered is stillborn? And 1 in every 102 newborns die before the age of 28 days old? Now, a year after losing Mamie, I have started Mamie's Poppy Plates, my organization providing keepsakes for parents who are not able to take their babies home from the hospital. Because handprints and footprints are something that we cherish as parents of children in Heaven or here on this earth, I wanted to find a beautiful way to preserve such a precious reminder of our babies. Your donation of $13 will provide a plate to bereaved families who are delivering at St. Vincent Hospital. Their baby’s birth stats, hand and footprints will be stampe...
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