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Thursday, March 20, 2014

Spring Cleaning in the Garden

We have spent the past 2 days working out in Mamie's garden getting it all ready for the Spring blooms that will be happening before long.  We had 10 yrs of mulch delivered yesterday. Thankfully Marvin, the awesome yard guy that does a lot of work in our neighborhood was around to help me.  With it being Friday Taylor was at work and I only had a few times in between naps to get out there and spread mulch.  Over the weekend Burke was a big helper and today he has been doing the same.  He and Taylor have been driving back and forth to the nursery to get..... yes MORE mulch so we can finish up.  We put a little in the back of his dump truck and he drives it over and dumps it where I ask him to.  He cracks me up.  So sweet!!!  Mamie's chime has been making its beautiful sounds all day which I love.  I know she is happy to see us all together working on something so special to all of us.

First thing this morning I turned on Mercy Me pandora station.  My favorite song came right now "Bring the Rain"  I remember so well blasting this in my car after Mamie died.  I was holding Winnie when the song came on and she looked at me and smiled.  She loves music and to dance.  I swayed with her in the kitchen to the whole song.  She put her little forehead against my forehead.  Precious moments.  The sun was coming through the window on us.  I really felt Mamie was swaying with us right then and there.  Wow isn't God amazing how He puts us in those moments.  I feel life has been so busy lately and we miss a lot of those signs and moments He sends us to connect us with Mamie.  It was pretty cool!

We just finished having lunch and I am about to take Winnie out to play while we wait for Burke and Taylor to get back with another load.  I hope everyone is have a special Saturday!!

Much Love
Sarah

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

You are my sunshine

Today was a really nice day.  The weather has been completely bonkers lately.  One day it is in the 70s and the next there is snow on the yard when we wake up.   But today was nice and that made me happy.  We have been up the past couple of night.  Burke has been having his coughing fits and asthma attacks.  They totally stress me out when it comes to the night time.  Taylor was out of town so I just put Burke in my bed so I could keep my eye on him.  My eyes were on him for sure.  I think I slept a hour both nights.  Poor little guy was coughing and whimpering the whole night.  One night after he did finally calm down and go to sleep sure enough Winnie woke up screaming.  I was up with her for about an hour.  Anyway back to today.  Burke woke us up as usual.  Taylor had made it in around mid night


from his work trip and we had been up taking Burke back and forth to his bed after we moved him when Taylor got home;)  The sun was out but man was I tired.  I mean that tired where everything was blurry and I kind of felt like I was walking around in a dream.  Burke wasn't feeling a ton better but he was talking my head off.  It is crazy how they can be up all night sick and then wake up and have so much energy.  I got my coffee and fixed he and Winnie some oatmeal.  By that time it was way past time even thinking about getting in the shower and trying to get us all to Bloom Bible Study.  I swear we have missed so much this semester and I hate missing.  Winnie woke up not long after.  I tell you that girl is ready to have her milk and eat when she wakes up.  Skip the diaper change :)  I got them settled and sat down with them.  Soon after Taylor wondered in for his coffee.  It was nice having all of us sitting at the table.  I really don't know what it was but there was something about this morning (we do it all the time).  It was really nice.  We had a really great morning.  Laying on the floor, playing puzzles and just being together.  Winnie has turning into such a love bug.  She loves to give kisses and we love to get them.  This morning she kept giving me a kiss and then Burke a kiss.  Man do I love that.  I so hope they are that way forever.   Burke will say, "I love you baby sis.  Winnie is my baby sister and Mamie is my big sister".  I love that he always includes her.  I don't know if it was because we always talk about her or what but he is connected to Mamie.

After naps Burke and I went outside to mess around in Mamie's garden while Winnie was taking her second nap :)  We looked at all the plants starting to rise from the ground.  This is such an exciting time of year in the garden to get it all cleaned up and to watch all the beautiful plants that we planted grow and bloom even bigger than last year. We walked around and I told Burke all about the plants that we were looking at.  It was so sweet how excited he was when he found another plant coming up and how careful he was walking around.  Mamie's chime was making beautiful sounds as we walked around.  I can't wait to get our dump truck- yes DUMP TRUCK of mulch delivered to put in the garden.  It takes a lot of time and energy since it is our whole front yard but it is so beautiful.  

We finished our day at the park with friends and then a nice family dinner before we put the kiddos to bed.  They are sleeping sound and I haven't heard a single cough.  Off to bed.  I plan on sleeping through the night tonight ;)

- Sarah




Saturday, March 8, 2014

A sign to start blogging again

I have totally been slacking on the blog here but things have been a bit busy around my house ;) to say the least.

Winnie turned 1 just the other week and we had a sweet little family party for her.  She loved her cake but I am pretty sure Abe and Burke loved it even more :) she is growing up so fast.  About a month ago she decided to take her first steps to her favorite person Uncle J.  We thought for sure she would be walking by her first birthday but she hasn't totally decided to take the plunge!  She is super fast on her knees so that is where she has stayed.  :)

One of her new things is to point and say "dat"!  She wants to show us everything that she sees.  I took her to the doctor the other day.  I laughed when the doctor came in and she started pointing at every thing.  She was as sick as a dog but still happy.  He was really impressed saying that most babies don't start doing that till they are 14-15 months.  :) The pointing all started in her room when we would get her out of her crib to change her diaper.  On her changing table we have 2 of the willow creek statues.  One is Remember and it was given to us after Mamie died and the other is Hope which Taylor gave to me when we were pregnant with Burke. It was pretty cool that Winnie started pointing those out to us.  She loves to point them out but we don't let her play with them :)  The other day I was walking through our room and she was on my hip.  She started pointing at Mamie's picture on our wall.  I took her close and said "that is Mamie, your big sister.  She touched the picture with her tiny little fingers and then looked back at me and smiled.  Wow.....



Burke is 2 1/2 now and so fun.  I mean he is always fun but he is turning into a little person and loves to help and ask questions.  Every day he says, "let me help you mommy! he wants to help with fixing his cereal, feeding Gus, cooking dinner, taking out the trash, etc.  I hope he always stays this helpful!  Burke and Winnie are really starting to interact with each other.  Winnie loves to take one of Burke's toys and speed crawl away from him while he chases her.  She gets the biggest kick out of that.  They love to snuggle with each other and we are teaching Winnie to give kisses.  She loves to give big kisses to her brother.  Burke loves to be outside and on a nice day you can find us out in Mamie's garden.  This is his favorite place to play.  He loves to take his truck and digging tools out there.


As for me, things have been pretty much the same.  MPP and the little ones are keeping me super busy.  I retired from wedding a year ago and it has been so wonderful.  Don't get me wrong, I loved photographing weddings and all the people I met but after losing Mamie my perspective on life and what was most important (family) changed.  I have to tell you God does truly listen.  About a year and a half ago we were planning our first 5k race, I was still shooting weddings, Burke was about to turn 1 and we had NO idea that there would be a little bun in the oven (Winnie) soon after.  I had not told anyone but Taylor that I was wanting to retire from weddings when a new home business dropped in our laps.  I was actually pretty upset with the idea of Britney going to hear about the opportunity with R+F  because I knew how busy we were with getting ready for the race.  When she explained to me about the business and everything that is behind it I had to jump in.  Fast forward to now, I have been able to retire from wedidng and focus my time on the kids and MPP.  What a blessing!!!!!!

MPP is growing super fast.  I never would have thought we would be where we are today just 4 short years ago.  We could have never done what we have done with out our God.  He has truly had his hand on this mission from day one.  We are now in 17 hospitals around Arkansas as well as LeBonouer in Memphis, which like Children's here in LR.  We offer a plate to every family no matter what age their child is.  And then we also have our plates in St. Michael's in Texarkana, TX.  Our goal is to have them across the country in 10 years.  MPP is a true labor of love.  No one gets paid.  Every bit of what we bring in goes right back out to these families at no charge. We are so very thankful and blessed for all the love and dedication we have received from all of the people that help with our mission.  :)  We are planning our 3rd Race to Remember 5K that will be this June 14th at Dickey Stephens Park.  I am SO so SO very excited about it.  What a special day for families and friend to get together and remember all of the precious little ones that have passed.  It is an amazing day just to see everyone and connect with those that understand. This year we are pumped because we were able to set up team fund raising for families that want to raise funds for MPP.  Through lots of trial and error I think we are good to go and it is up and running :)  Yahoo!!!

So while I was waiting at the airport in LR for my flight to Denver (Taylor and I are having a date weekend) I ran into a friend that I haven't seen or had time to really sit down and visit with in a long time.  Since both of our flights were an hour out we got to enjoy some adult conversation and coffee.  (much needed)  She shared with me how much my blog and my openness has helped her.  She has a family member that just lost a baby and no one in the family is handling it in the best way.  They have been avoiding and wanting to sweep it under the rug.  When she told me how much my blog has helped her and her family member that really made me want to get on here and just talk.  If I can help one person with my honest experience how do I know that I couldn't help another.  Grief is such a tricky thing.  You never follow a pattern.  I remember getting all the papers in my grief packet from the hospital and it explained what I would be feeling 1-3 mths out 4-6 mths etc.  I remember looking at that thinking when will I ever get to that happiness.  Will there every be happiness.  Now looking back I still have to catch my breath thinking about it.  The only way I can explain the feelings I had was I felt like I was drowning and I couldn't come up for air.  I had the most amazing support system and I thank God for them every day.  When people say, I just don't know what to say.  You know what there is nothing you can say.  Just be there, let them know you are thinking of them and that you remember.  We feel so alone during that time and just being there to listen and let us cry is all we need.  It doesn't matter if it was a still birth, infant death or a child that passed away at 20, 30, or 40.  They are still our children and all mothers feel the same.  We want our children to be remembered and not pushed to the side like they never existed.  

I have to go, my plane is landing.  

Love and blessings,
Sarah