Poppy Seed

I was having kind of a sad day this past Friday after hearing of another mother that lost her sweet baby. She had been induced and was waiting to deliver. It really hit me hard thinking of she and her husband waiting at the hospital to deliver their first baby and that baby not being alive. I know I have said this over and over again but it just isn't fair. It seems to be happening way too often and it makes my heart hurt so badly. Taylor came in after work with a package that had just been delivered. I laughed when I picked the large box up and saw the name Kate Harrison on it. The thing felt completely empty. I thought.... what in the world. She must have forgotten to put whatever it was she wanted to send me in the box. I dug through the box and found a small round container and inside was a necklace with Burke and Mamie's name on it. I almost bust into tears. This gift couldn't have come on a better day. It was so perfect and so beautiful. The note read....

Last week was another really hard week. We were super busy in the office when I got a text from my sweet sweet friend Mitzi saying they had gone in for their 20 week ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. I wanted to start screaming. WHY! Why is this happening to so many people that I love? Why does it happen to anyone at all. It just isn't fair. The pain you feel..... I can't even describe it. No one should have to join this horrible club. I immediately picked up the phone and called her back. As soon as I heard her sweet voice on the other end my eyes welled up with tears. She told me she didn't know what happened. I could tell she was in total shock. We closed down shop here and Britney and Amanda got out with me to go gather some very important things for Mitzi. Touch has been so important to me. Anything that Mamie touched is so precious to me. I headed to Target and found a soft cream blanket that we could wrap the baby in, I also found 2 books that really helped me t...

I hope everyone is having a great holiday season. I haven't posted in a while. We have been super busy with work and things are finally slowing down. Taylor and I have been doing well. Just trying to get through the holiday's without totally loosing it. We decided not to decorate this year. We just didn't have it in us. I did put a little Christmas tree on the front porch so we don't look like total scrooges. Last weekend Taylor and I went to Fayetteville for Owen's baptism. I was really worried about how I would handle it all but I did really well. Right before the ceremony started I had to excuse myself and have a little cry. I stood in this tiny little bathroom staring in the mirror at my red eyes. I kept praying to God to give me the strength to get through this. A few minutes later Taylor came through the door. He asked me if I was okay and if I wanted to go back in. I looked at him and he gave me a smile. I knew right then I would be okay. ...

Today I woke up to the sun shining outside and the sound of the windchimes. I laid in bed for a while just thinking of Mamie. What would we be doing today if she were here? I miss her so much. This past week has not been the best for me. I have felt like I have gone back to the very day that we found out she was gone. My heart hurts and my arms ache from the emptiness of not being able to hold her. The other day I started crying when Britney and Silas were here. He stood at my feet looking up at me with sad eyes. Britney told him that Kiki was sad and it is okay to cry when you are sad. He kept looking at me and then he said "Kiki needs Mamie." As sad as I was right then I smiled and looked at him and said "I do need Mamie". He is so aware of everything. We hadn't even said her name and he knew. I pray for God to give me the strength to make it through the holidays without her. It just isn't fair! Her special candle will burn ...

The other day I opened my front door to another special gift from some friends from our Sunday school class. I opened up this beautiful sculpture of an angel holding up a child. I love it so much. It's simple yet so powerful. Everytime I look at it it makes me think of how happy Mamie must be on heaven. I can't wait to see her again. That day will be an amazing day. Mary Lewis and Sid thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We have put the angel and baby in our kitchen window so we can enjoy it everyday. It truely gives me hope. Hope everyone has a wonderful Friday. Thank God for this lovely weather. -Sarah

Saturday was such a beautiful day. Taylor and I decided to head out to the nursery after we had breakfast on the deck. Our plan was to go pick out a few dogwood trees for the garden. While we were there we started looking at water features. Since we began this project I have alway wanted some kind of contained water feature in the garden. We ended up working with the guys there and came up with a beautiful one. I was so excited to get home and put it together. It was definitely a fun project for Taylor and I to do together. The sound the fountain is so peaceful. I took a few pictures with my phone to share with you guys. The whole time we were out in the garden we felt Mamie was with us. The huge wind chime that was given to us was blowing in the wind. We also saw a few butterflies and a ladybug. It was a good day! Also I wanted to show you the sign a good friend gave me for the garden. Thank you so much Ashley. What a special gift for us to remember Mam...

Taylor and I were so surprised this morning when the About Vase van pulled up. Jayna and Matthew sent us the most beautiful flower arrangement. They brought a big smile to my face. Thanks guys! We love y'all so much. -Sarah