Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
it is when people ignore what has happen to us. I can see it in their
eyes when they see me from a distance. Almost a cringe of not wanting
to have to talk to me. Not knowing what to say... I know people
don't want to make us sad and not talking about her or asking how we
are doing is the way they think they can do this. We will always be
sad and have that hole in our hearts for our baby girl. It makes me
more sad inside when people act like nothing has happened. We WERE
pregnant for 9mths and we HAD a baby that died. It is what it is....
we will always talk about Mamie she is our daughter and this is our
reality. What a great way to sum it all up with this poem.
Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending she didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that she has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
~ Elizabeth Dent ~
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
back normal. That is a good thing from what I have heard. We are
still a little confused on all the information we were given but my
doctor sounded very hopeful that we will be able to have more
children. Hearing this did bring a smile to my face. Knowing that we
can have more children gives us hope for the future. Having another
baby will never take away that hole in our hearts that we have for
Mamie. We will never forget her. She is our first born and we will
miss her always.
Taylor and I went to see Dr. Baltz (my hematologist) last week. They
ended up taking TONS of blood again which I was not expecting. Dr.
Baltz was super nice and very sensitive to our loss. He is going to
check my homocysteine levels again and I will be going back for
another appointment the first of October. Pretty much they believe
that Mamie's placenta was small because it wasn't getting the
nutrients that it needed from my body. Since I have the 2 abnormal
enzymes my body has a hard time metabolizing folic acid which is very
important for a pregnancy. I have been put on 2 different prescribed
supplements that I will take the rest of my life. This gives my body
more folic acid, b12 and b6.
I know it has been a while since I blogged. There has been so much
going on around here. It seems like every day we hear of something
bad that has happened. I don't know what is going on. Last week we
found out that Taylor's mom has breast cancer. We are all so worried
and hoping that the doctors caught it early. As of last Friday she
was given a few different options of what they can do. We pray that
God will hold Cissy up and give her strength and helps her stay
positive through all of this. Last week I also got a call that a
friend from high school passed away. He is married to a precious girl
that also went to high school with us and has two little boys. It
makes me sick to think of what their family is going through right
now. He was such a kind hearted person. Last time I saw him was a
few months ago when I photographed a bride at their house. He will be
missed by so many. The funeral is this afternoon.
Mamie's garden looks beautiful! It is going to bloom all different
color pinks just for her. It is full of Japanese maples, fern, hosta,
light pink azalea, hot pink azalea, grasses, gardenias, and crepe
myrtles. Britney bought some pink tulip bulbs that we need to get in
the ground soon. I can't wait to see what it looks like in the
spring. Taylor's family surprised us with a bench with Mamie's name
and birthday engraved on the seat. It is so beautiful and perfect for
her garden. I plan to get a few dogwoods to plant by the bench. We
hope to do that soon.
I shot my first wedding since Mamie died this past weekend in
Fayetteville. I was really nervous but once I got there I got in my
zone. The bride and her family happened to be family friends of ours
so Mom and Britney were there as well. I started to get a little
choked up when the ceremony started. I guess just thinking that we
will never get to have that with Mamie. Taylor will never get to walk
her down the aisle and give her way. It just made me sad. As the
bridesmaids were walking down the aisle I looked up and saw a
beautiful butterfly flying around in the balcony. That lump in my
throat went away and I began smiling. Mamie was there with me and she
wanted me to know....
Friday, September 4, 2009
Isn't this the cutest cake. Britney made it all by herself :)
I love this picture of Maddie and Silas.
Pibby and Pops with the birthday boy.
Uncle and Kiki
Mom and her sisters.