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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Good News!

Taylor's mom had her surgery on Monday morning, and she went home yesterday.  Her lymph nodes were clear and the cancer hasn't spread.  Praise God.   She will have reconstructive surgery next summer.  I don't think it could have gone any better.  We thank you all for your prayers.  
 
- Sarah

Friday, September 25, 2009

Remembering Mamie: 3 Months

Today Mamie would be 3mths old.... I can't believe it has been 3 months. It seems just like yesterday. I miss her SO SO much. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about what we might be doing this day if she were here. A lot of bad things have happened these past months since her death. 2 friends have also lost their babies and 1 has lost her husband. It is really hard for me to wrap my head around all of this tragedy. I ask God everyday why all of this is happening. Why so many good people have to deal with so much pain. I know sometimes we aren't supposed to understand. There will be a day when we will be able to ask Him face to face. I know He is listening to me when I cry out for help. He has given me more strength than I ever imagined I could have. My faith has grown so strong and He is giving me peace. I pray that these friends of mine find that peace in knowing they will see their babies and husband again. Thinking about what they are doing in heaven right now brings a smile to my face. Knowing they are without any kind of pain and are in the presence of God is such an amazing thought.
The other day I walked by the nursery and saw Gracie laying on the rug. We all have our moments when we go in there to be quiet and think about her. I happened to have my camera out and I was so happy to grab these pictures of Gracie having her moment with Mamie.
I can't remember if I have shown yall this but we had our 2 favorite pictures of Mamie framed up for her funeral. We wanted to share her with everyone. She was such a precious baby. We hung them at the end of the hall right by our bedroom. Mike at BK Moulding new exactly what I liked without me even having to tell him. He framed them so beautifully Alyson's (one of my dearest friends since we met in 7th grade) dad made this memory chest for us to keep all of Mamie's things in. When he brought it over I couldn't help from crying. It was so perfect and so beautiful. It means so much to us that he put his whole heart into making such a special gift for us.
I sit in Mamie's nursery a lot. So much love and time went into this room and I sit and stare at her crib and ask God why this had to happen to us. The crib is empty, there is no sweet baby sleeping in it. Just her monkey that I placed there right after I got it at the baby shower.
I don't think I have shared some of the things we brought home from the hospital. We are so blessed to have been at St. Vincent's. The love and compassion they showed is truly amazing. Lynette our bereavement nurse has done so much for that hospital and has been out educating other hospitals and their staff on how to care for families that have lost their babies.
This is a little memory box she made for us. I love being able to look at her little foot print whenever I want. This is a dress that some women make and donate to the bereavement program. Mamie wore this dress and it is so special to us. Inside the memory box are all the things that touched Mamie. The soap and lotion that they used to clean her up. There is a hair brush that they used to brush her beautiful curls. The socks that they put on her precious feet. Her hospital tags that were around her wrist....and then a piece of her hair....
Here is a remembrance angel that Heather sent me that I keep in the nursery. This is one of my favorite things they did for us at the hospital. Mamie's sweet little hand print......ah this is so hard for me right now...... I can touch her hand and feel where every little line was with my own fingers. It really is so special.
I told yall in an earlier post that Taylor's family gave us a bench for the garden. It is perfect and means so much to us to have it.
Mom brought over this butterfly for our front door. I love it because it is cheerful and pink :)
- Sarah

Thursday, September 24, 2009

A Poem by Elizabeth Dent

Britney just sent me this poem. We have been talking about how hard
it is when people ignore what has happen to us. I can see it in their
eyes when they see me from a distance. Almost a cringe of not wanting
to have to talk to me. Not knowing what to say... I know people
don't want to make us sad and not talking about her or asking how we
are doing is the way they think they can do this. We will always be
sad and have that hole in our hearts for our baby girl. It makes me
more sad inside when people act like nothing has happened. We WERE
pregnant for 9mths and we HAD a baby that died. It is what it is....
we will always talk about Mamie she is our daughter and this is our
reality. What a great way to sum it all up with this poem.

- Sarah

Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending she didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that she has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
~ Elizabeth Dent ~

Green Moth

While we were working on the garden this beautiful lime green moth
stayed on our front door. I had to take some pictures.
We love you Mamie.
-Sarah

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Mamie's Garden

I have been meaning to show you guys more pictures of Mamie's garden. I took these a few weeks back and they have just been sitting here on my computer. We are so happy with the way it looks. All of the light pink azalea's have are blooming right now. It is so beautiful!
-Sarah

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Happy Anniversary

Today is Taylor and my anniversary. I can't believe it has already
been 5 years! I am truly blessed to have such an amazing man. He is
not only my husband he is my best friend and I love him so much.
Happy Anniversary Taylor!
- Sarah

Monday, September 14, 2009

It's been awhile!

We heard back from my doctor last week and my homocysteine levels came
back normal. That is a good thing from what I have heard. We are
still a little confused on all the information we were given but my
doctor sounded very hopeful that we will be able to have more
children. Hearing this did bring a smile to my face. Knowing that we
can have more children gives us hope for the future. Having another
baby will never take away that hole in our hearts that we have for
Mamie. We will never forget her. She is our first born and we will
miss her always.

Taylor and I went to see Dr. Baltz (my hematologist) last week. They
ended up taking TONS of blood again which I was not expecting. Dr.
Baltz was super nice and very sensitive to our loss. He is going to
check my homocysteine levels again and I will be going back for
another appointment the first of October. Pretty much they believe
that Mamie's placenta was small because it wasn't getting the
nutrients that it needed from my body. Since I have the 2 abnormal
enzymes my body has a hard time metabolizing folic acid which is very
important for a pregnancy. I have been put on 2 different prescribed
supplements that I will take the rest of my life. This gives my body
more folic acid, b12 and b6.

I know it has been a while since I blogged. There has been so much
going on around here. It seems like every day we hear of something
bad that has happened. I don't know what is going on. Last week we
found out that Taylor's mom has breast cancer. We are all so worried
and hoping that the doctors caught it early. As of last Friday she
was given a few different options of what they can do. We pray that
God will hold Cissy up and give her strength and helps her stay
positive through all of this. Last week I also got a call that a
friend from high school passed away. He is married to a precious girl
that also went to high school with us and has two little boys. It
makes me sick to think of what their family is going through right
now. He was such a kind hearted person. Last time I saw him was a
few months ago when I photographed a bride at their house. He will be
missed by so many. The funeral is this afternoon.

Mamie's garden looks beautiful! It is going to bloom all different
color pinks just for her. It is full of Japanese maples, fern, hosta,
light pink azalea, hot pink azalea, grasses, gardenias, and crepe
myrtles. Britney bought some pink tulip bulbs that we need to get in
the ground soon. I can't wait to see what it looks like in the
spring. Taylor's family surprised us with a bench with Mamie's name
and birthday engraved on the seat. It is so beautiful and perfect for
her garden. I plan to get a few dogwoods to plant by the bench. We
hope to do that soon.

I shot my first wedding since Mamie died this past weekend in
Fayetteville. I was really nervous but once I got there I got in my
zone. The bride and her family happened to be family friends of ours
so Mom and Britney were there as well. I started to get a little
choked up when the ceremony started. I guess just thinking that we
will never get to have that with Mamie. Taylor will never get to walk
her down the aisle and give her way. It just made me sad. As the
bridesmaids were walking down the aisle I looked up and saw a
beautiful butterfly flying around in the balcony. That lump in my
throat went away and I began smiling. Mamie was there with me and she
wanted me to know....

- Sarah

Friday, September 4, 2009

Silas is 2!

Britney and Jason had a lovely family birthday party for Silas. I can't believe he is 2 years old. He was very excited to open his presents :-) Uncle and Kiki got a big hug and thank your for the awesome guitar we got him. Now it is time to rock out!
It was hard for me sitting there celebrating and being happy without Mamie there. I had a small melt down in the bathroom and then pulled it together before anyone knew. We took my family up to see Mamie's garden and the beautiful bench Taylor's parents and siblings gave us.

Isn't this the cutest cake. Britney made it all by herself :)

I love this picture of Maddie and Silas.

Pibby and Pops with the birthday boy.

Uncle and Kiki

Mom and her sisters.