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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Another month

Yesterday I woke up in a total funk. I didn't want to get out of bed at all. I decided I would get my coffee and snuggle with Gus for a little while. I wasn't sure why I was having this kind of morning but I needed to embrace it and deal with my sadness. As I sat in the bed drinking my coffee I got a text from one of my very best friends Sarah. She said, "Thinking of you today, love you!". It hit me like a ton of bricks, today Mamie would be 18mths. I couldn't believed I forgot. I couldn't believe that Sarah remembered but then I thought of course she remembered! Sarah never forgets those important days with anyone. I sat in bed for a while loving on Gus thinking about my little girl. 18mths seems so long ago but it feels like yesterday to me. I thought about how she would be snuggled up in the bed with Gus and I. Her warm little body and sweet smell. I hope she knows how much her momma misses her. There is a hole in my life and heart that will never close because she is not here. Everyday is a new day and a new experience of how to deal with the pain. I am slowly learning to live with it. Live with the hurt and emptiness.

Mamie you will forever be in my heart. I love you so much sweet girl!

I appreciate all the comments from my last post. Especially from you mom's out there that have experienced this horrible loss. I do try to respond on the comments so be sure to check back.

- Sarah

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Facebook Page

Hey guys,
We have joined the facebook world and made a page for Mamie's Poppy
Plates. Please be sure to go join in. All you have to do is click the facebook badge to the right and join our page :)

Thanks
MPP Team

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Sweet baby time

This morning was just what I needed. Brit dropped Abe off so she could go run some errands before we are all house bound because of the snow. We have been snuggling on the couch by the fire. He has been awake for a while just looking around. I wonder what he sees. We have watched it snow for a while and then I took him into Mamie's room to rock. He feel right asleep so we sat in there for a while just being quiet. I found myself daydreaming about rocking Mamie that same way. It was so peaceful. We are now back on the couch and I have this little snuggle bunny snoozing on my chest. It has been a good morning. Just me and Abe. I really needed this.

-Sarah

Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

We are having a BOY!

Sorry for the delay on announcing the sex of our little Olive. We found out last week that we are having a baby boy and we are SO excited. We would have been excited either way we just want a healthy and happy baby here on earth with us. We already have a name for our sweet little guy. His full name will be Burke Kenneth Adams. Burke (what we will call him) is my mother's maiden name and we have planned to use it since the first day we started talking about babies. Kenneth is after Taylor's dad and that is also Taylor's first name.
I wasn't prepared for the crazy emotions I had after finding out the sex. I wasn't sad at all because it was a boy I would have been the same way if it was a girl. It has just been a very emotional roller coaster. I have kind of kept myself separated from this baby. I just don't want my heart to get hurt again. The feelings are SO hard to explain. You mothers out there that are reading this that have lost and then had another baby pipe in and help me out with this. I just wish Mamie was here to be a big sister here on earth to her little brother. I just isn't fair ya know. I could talk all night about this but I will leave it here. I understand that there are always going to be those bad days. I just didn't expect the day we find out the sex of our baby I would be so down in the dumps.
Since last week I have really been working hard to connect with this baby. One of my very good friends gave me tons of adorable boy clothes that I have been looking through. I have been spending many hours on the Internet looking for just the right bedding for this sweet little guy, and Taylor and I worked hard this past Monday getting things organized in Burke's room. I knew I didn't want to take Mamie's room down. It made me sick to my stomach to even think about it. Taylor thought of the best idea. He suggested we make Mamie's room the headquarters for Mamie's Poppy Plates. What a fabulous idea. We could get everything organized in her room. How perfect was that. We moved the crib and changing table into Burke's room and moved our big soft green armoire into Mamie's room. I got it all organized with all of the MPP information and boxes. I went over to my mom's and got my Aunt Mamie's rocking chair that she has been keeping for me and I put it in the corner with a table and lamp so I can go in there and sit whenever I want. When I opened her closet I stood there staring at all of her adorable clothes that we had hanging for her. I looked at Taylor and said I just wasn't ready to pack up her clothes. Taylor had to head up to grab some things as work and I was still cleaning and organizing. I found myself back at her closet. All of a sudden I grabbed a box and began carefully placing her clothes in the box. My heart began to hurt so bad and a huge lump formed in my throat. What was I doing. How could I put her clothes in a box. Those are hers. I began crying so hard and couldn't stop. I continued placing clothes in the box, then I moved to her little shoes, hats and socks. Next was her bloomers that were given to us with her name monogrammed in pink on the bootie. It hurt so bad. Thinking I am putting all this stuff in a box and down stair in a closet where I can't see them..... I am a terrible mother. I don't want her to be forgotten. I don't want people to think this baby in my belly is going to take her place. She still is our daughter, my parents and Taylor's grand daughter, and Taylor and my siblings niece. We are having our second child not our first and she can't be forgotten! Suddenly my phone rang, I was literally saved by the bell before I totally crawled in the bed and pulled the cover over my head for days. It was Becky....she sat there and listened on the other line and let me cry. Soon before I knew it we were talking about something so funny my tears had dried up and I was laughing. One thing she did tell me that made me feel better is that those clothes and things are not Mamie. Rooms evolve with your children's age and there was no better way to change up her room than how we had with Mamie's Poppy Plates. Her spirit will live on and her story will help so many people with these plates. Becky always knows exactly what to say ;)
I ended the night with a swollen face and burning eyes but I did feel so much better.
Now for those of you reading this I want you to remember that I speak from the heart. This is my journey after losing my child and I write more for myself. Please don't think that I don't love this baby growing inside of me. I do! I love him just as I love Mamie. I am just going through lots of emotions, emotions that I never thought I would have when I got pregnant again. It is a scary road guys.
- Sarah

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

15 weeks

Sweet side profile.

Look at him doing a front roll in my belly.

His foot.

A hand

It's a boy :)

Monday, January 10, 2011

Snow Day 2011

I can't believe all the snow we got yesterday and it wasn't ice like we usually get. It was nice powdery snow :) Taylor and I spent the morning snuggled up by the fire drinking coffee and just enjoying our morning. The view out our windows was so beautiful. Our main floor is in the tops of the trees out back and it was just amazing to see. I took Gus outside to get a few pictures and man was it quiet. I love the peaceful silence you have after a good snow. Yesterday afternoon we bundled up and headed down to Brit & Jason's to play with Silas in the snow. He was so excited to see us. We had a snowball fight and Jason and Silas built a snowman. Soon after the snowman had no eyes or nose because Silas decided he wanted to eat the cookie eyes and the cold half frozen carrot nose. He thought he was so funny. It was a good day.

- Sarah

It's a.......

I know you guys are all ready to know. WE ARE TOO! We are going in on Wednesday afternoon so stay tuned. You have a few more days to put in your vote for girl or boy. I can't wait to announce the news. Happy Monday everyone.
- Sarah & Taylor

Friday, January 7, 2011

Just a few more days

Okay everyone, don't forget to cast your vote :) We are hoping to find out the sex of our little Olive this coming Monday. I am on pens and needles. Thankfully I am super busy so the time will pass by quick.
- Sarah

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Our Uncle Stevie

This Monday was one of my very favorite uncle's funeral. For those of you that know me well know about Uncle Stevie and Aunt Sandy. They have been a very important part of our lives since we were babies. I just can't believe he is gone. We all miss him like crazy but have so many wonderful memories that we will cherish forever. Every time I get sad I think about how he must be holding Mamie right now in Heaven. He was so sad when we lost her and I just know he is up there making her laugh with all of his funniness.
For those of you that don't know, Taylor and I had a destination wedding planned in Seaside, FL. We all headed down to get ready. I wanted a simple wedding with close friends and family. That was the plan. The Monday before our wedding which was on that Thursday we were all evacuated because hurricane Ivan was headed to shore. We all hopped in our cars and headed back to Arkansas. Most of the guys were still home getting ready to head out along with Uncle Stevie and Aunt Sandy. I was sad but I mean what can you do. You can't really control mother nature can you. :) All I knew was we were still going to get married on Thursday September 16 no matter what! Aunt Sandy and Uncle Stevie called and offered their beautiful home and land for us to have our special ceremony. The wedding was absolutely perfect and how neat to say I got married at their house. They were so amazing. Their house and land is always so beautiful but they some how managed in 2 days to make it even more beautiful. I had just what I wanted. Instead of getting married by the ocean we got married by their pond. PERFECT!
Uncle Stevie will be missed by so many. Everyone that met his smiling face loved him. He was a great man and a great uncle.
- Sarah