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Tuesday, April 16, 2013

7 Weeks- Starting to see the light

The weeks have been flying by and little Winnie is already 7wks old.  I feel like I am finally getting back to feeling normal.  It has been really hard for me since Winnie was born.  I don't want to sound ungrateful for this precious little baby but it has been very hard and emotional for me.  Besides all the crazy hormones you have going on, no sleep and her having reflux and wanting to be held most of the time I think I have had a hard time with Winnie being a little girl and her looking so much like Mamie did.  I felt like I had prepared myself for these feelings but I guess you can't ever really prepare yourself for something like this.  I have had many different emotions.  One minute I would be happy then sad curled up in the bed crying.  I have felt a lot of guilt for feeling this way.  All I have ever wanted was to have healthy babies and now I do.  I have been praying a lot for peace in my heart.  Reminding myself that Winnie is not Mamie and I shouldn't compare.  I found myself obsessing about things with Winnie that made her change from looking like Mamie did and wanting to fix it.  I hate it that I have felt this way...... Over the past couple of weeks and after going to see Dr. Sellers I feel I am finally balancing out.  Coming to terms all over again that Mamie is not here with us but she a part of both Burke and Winnie.

I feel like I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now.  The gray skys are fading and everything in my life seems brighter.

- Sarah