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Friday, June 25, 2010

Introducing Mamie's Poppy Plates

As you all know, I am Mamie's mom, and Mamie was my first child. I was pregnant with her from October 2008 to June 25th, 2009 when she was born a sleeping angel (stillborn) two and a half weeks before her due date.

Stillbirth and infant death are realities that too many parents face even today. Did you know that each year 1 in 115 babies delivered is stillborn? And 1 in every 102 newborns die before the age of 28 days old?

Now, a year after losing Mamie, I have started Mamie's Poppy Plates, my organization providing keepsakes for parents who are not able to take their babies home from the hospital. Because handprints and footprints are something that we cherish as parents of children in Heaven or here on this earth, I wanted to find a beautiful way to preserve such a precious reminder of our babies.

Your donation of $13 will provide a plate to bereaved families who are delivering at St. Vincent Hospital. Their baby’s birth stats, hand and footprints will be stamped and painted on the front of the plate while your name or organization will be painted on the back. Firefly Studio in Little Rock, AR will have a creative hand in painting names and stats on the plates and firing them for the best quality work. My hope is that in the near future, I will have enough donations to provide plates to all hospitals in the Little Rock area.

Thank you for considering a donation and thank you to Firefly Studio for helping make this happen in memory of my precious Mamie.

Happy 1st birthday sweet Mamie. We miss you so very much.


Sarah Bussey Adams

You can either send a check to me (email if you need my address) or pay through paypal by clicking on the add to cart which is to the far left of this blog. Thanks again!

Mamie's 1st Birthday

On Mamie's birthday my family met Taylor and I for lunch at the Pantry before we headed down to the cemetery. It was a peaceful day and afterwards Taylor and I went over to Hot Springs to get away and just be together for the weekend.
Someone brought a dragon fly down to the cemetery for Mamie. I had a feeling I knew who it was. Thank you Sarah for being such a good friend and loving Mamie so much. We love it!
Taylor and I We bought 9 balloons. 7 to release and 2 to leave at her grave. It was such a beautiful day.
It was so crazy, as soon as we walked up 2 baby kittens ran up. They walked all around us and on Mamie's grave. One of the kittens had a fun time running after Silas' string for his balloon. I so wish I got that on video. He ran and ran and that cat just kept following him. He kept saying, "" We all go a great laugh watching him. Silas by Mamie's grave. He kept saying, "Kiki, today is Mamie's birthday. Happy birthday Mamie. Are we going to eat cake?" What a sweet boy. He loves his cousin so much.
Dad and Jason
Dad took pictures and video for me so I would have something to remember this day by. Thanks Dad.
These are the beautiful flowers Taylor's brother and sister-in-law sent us. Thanks Brian and Ashleigh. More flowers from our friends Jason and Nikki. Aren't they gorgeous. Our house was full of beautiful arrangements. This is the video my dad took of us releasing the balloons up for Mamie. video

Thursday, June 24, 2010

1 Year! Remembering Mamie

I can't believe it has been a year. All day today I have been looking at the clock and thinking remembering the nightmare we were going through. 10:30 I remember I was sitting in the doctors office as they told me they couldn't find a heartbeat. My doctor hugging me and praying with me till Taylor and my family got there. 12pm I remember they started to induce me. I remember how scared I was but how I felt like everything that was happening was all a dream. I just couldn't believe that Mamie was gone and I would be delivering a lifeless baby. I remember Taylor by my side and holding me in close. My family all around and friends coming in and out of the room. My eyes were practically swollen shut from crying. How has it been almost a year since I held my sweet little angel? I woke us this morning feeling so much peace. I was scared to sit down once I got out of bed because I didn't want my mind to wonder too much. Today was my day to finish things up for Mamie's celebration weekend. I threw on my workout clothes and was out the door. Those who know me well, I am not much of a morning person especially when it comes to exercising. :) Taylor had left about 20mins before me with Gus. (he loves to workout in the morning) I turned on my music and breathed in the early morning air. It was quiet outside and it was pretty cool which now I know why Taylor likes the A.M. runs :) It was a nice walk, and I was energized and drenched with sweat when I got home. My phone was ringing as soon as I walked in the door. Brit was ready to meet up and get to work. We headed out and spent pretty much all day today working on stuff for this weekend and a BIG surprise tomorrow that I will be releasing on the blog.
We have been so overwhelmed by the love and thoughtfulness people have for us. We have received so many cards, beautiful flowers and sweet little gifts the past 2 weeks. I can't get over it. I of course have taken pictures with my phone so I could not only share everything with you all, but so I can look back and remember in years to come.
Tonight Taylor and I sit here not so much talking about what was going on this time last year but just how much we love each other and how blessed we are. Our good friends Dustin and Ashley got us a 2 night stay at the Arlington in Hot Springs so tomorrow we are heading over to have a weekend away to celebrate Mamie's 1st birthday and da....da.....daaaaaaaaaa my 30th birthday. Writing this right now I think about how horrible my birthday was last year but it was also so amazing because I spent the whole morning holding my baby girl. I thank God for that.
Anyway, I will be back tomorrow with another special post on Mamie's 1st birthday.
I never posted on Father's Day and I feel so bad for not doing that so I want to say something here to my sweet husband and to Mamie's amazing daddy. You are such an amazing man and I am so thankful to have you in my life. I couldn't have made it this past year without your love and understanding. I enjoyed celebrating Fathers Day with you a day late. What a fun day we had. Mamie is so lucky to have you for her daddy. I love you babe.
A friend of ours sent this poem to Tay and I wanted to share it with you guys.

Father to daughter

What can I say? Where shall I start? You were so beautiful, you captured my heart We only got to know you, through images on a screen We felt the occasional movement, the rest was left unseen

If God had allowed it, I would have loved you so I would have given anything, just to see you grow To share with you in laughter; your joy, your years To even share the sad times, and wipe away your tears

You would have been so beautiful; you had your mother’s eyes And witty and funny, and carefree and wise You’d have loved the mountains, as we shared walks and climbs You had such potential; now I know only sad times

I will not devalue the time we shared, with any platitude Just take these never-had memories, into my solitude They said once for a princess, that the price for love was grief So I will hold onto the loss I feel, and won’t let it be brief

I will not end with sadness; there’s hope in these words I’ve spoken My joy is now the Father’s, and in Heaven nothing’s broken Please know I dared to love you, and if Heaven’s rules allow I’ll hold you close again one day, and forget the pain of now

Katy thank you for sending that to him. Dads miss their babies just as much as we mom's do and that really meant a lot to him.

Flowers from my neighbor Lauren

A 1st birthday figurine I got from two new friends that have both lost their babies

A beautiful cross from some sweet wedding clients Payton and Sarah

Lovely flowers from my friends Carrie and Mary Margaret Thank you Patrick and Meredith for the gift cards. YEA! Crystal Goss gave us this beautiful statue. Isn't is amazing!

Thanks to my neighbor Lauren for the yummy veggies out of her garden and the adorable hummingbird feeder.

These flowers were sent to us from my doctor and nurse from Cornerstone. Thanks Doctor Seller and Barbara.

And these beautiful flowers were sent to us from clients and now friends of mine Drew and Katherine.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Short and Sweet

This post is going to be short and sweet..... First off I know you all are wondering if we are pregnant or not. I am sad to say that we are not. I had a feeling it was a bust this month but I still was a little hopeful. It is really hard to understand what God is doing right now. I mean of all weeks in the year I have to get a negative today. In a way I feel like I am losing Mamie all over again. My heart aches and my mind keeps wondering back to this time last year. I was still pregnant and things were going great. What made everything go so wrong? I keep taking deep breaths and reminding myself that God has a bigger plan for Taylor and I. He's so good to us and has blessed us in many way. I will continue to be faithful and leave all my trust in Him. I really appreciate all of your prayers. We love you all very much and I know I have said it a million times but we are blessed to have each and every one of you. Even those of you out there that we don't even know. We will move forward with strong hearts. God will lead Taylor and I in the right direction I know.
I have been meaning to show you guys some pictures. Mom and Britney redid Mamie's wreath for the cemetery. I love how they made is bright for the summer. Thanks guys for doing that. It is just perfect! Ashley and Dustin some of our very good friends came and stayed with us the other weekend. She said she really wanted to go visit Mamie's grave which meant the world to me. When we got there she pulled out a beautiful cross with pink and yellow poppies. I about lost it. It was beautiful and so Mamie! Thank you Ashley for making that for my sweet angel.
- Sarah

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A better day

Hey everyone,

So today has been a better day. I woke up refreshed and ready to be productive. I thank you all for your prayers and comments. You don't know how much that means to both Taylor and I. When I receive them it just brings me back to that warm place of knowing there are many people out there praying for us. Even though it has almost been a year you haven't forgotten and that means the world. To all the people out there that have sent me messages that I have never met.......WOW...... I am tearing up right now just thinking about how special that is. God has brought so many wonderful people into our lives that we never would have known and for that I am so grateful.

I went in for my weekly acupuncture this morning. It was really nice and relaxing. I am trying to keep my stress down to a minimum right now and I have to say that is easier said than done. We are still also going to the fertility clinic and will be able to take a test on Monday the 21st. I have so many mixed emotions about it all. I know next week is going to be extra hard with Mamie's 1st birthday being on Friday. Crazy how this all fell in the same week. God has great things in store for us I know. If you have any room for some extra prayers we could really use it next week.

I am off to get some work done before my photo session tonight. Hope you all have a wonderful day.

Stay cool!


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Coming up on a year

These past couple of days have been pretty hard but today I have to say has been the worst. I feel like I am back at day one. The days after we came home from the hospital without our precious Mamie. The days we prepared for our daughters funeral. I went to bed last night crying out to the Lord. "Please make this pain go away! I hurt so much and I feel so alone." This morning I woke up early and headed out to the deck with my cup of coffee. I felt like maybe.... just maybe it was going to be a better day. I sat there working on an invitation for my daughters 1st birthday. To celebrate her and the fact that even though she never took a single breath in this world, she has touched so many lives. It shouldn't be this way. We should be getting together for her 1st birthday to celebrate the 1st year of her life. To watch her dig into her birthday cake tasting her 1st sweet yumminess. I sat there daydreaming about everything that would happen that day if she were here with us..... I finally pulled myself away from the computer and took Gus for a walk. I needed to think but then I didn't need to think. I talked to my mom practically the whole walk. I told her about the non profit idea I have been working on in honor of Mamie and I could tell the whole time she was trying not to cry. I was doing the same. Why do we so often choke back the pain and tears? It is so hard to always be strong, ya know? When I got home I buried my head in work until I completely lost it..... I mean I totally lost it. I could not stop crying. I cried so hard I could barely breath. I ran myself a bath and sunk deep into the warm water. I was back to that moment when I felt like I was drowning. I felt more alone than ever before and nothing seemed to matter. The Lord has a way of stepping in on these times with me. I looked out the window with blurred eyes. I prayed and yelled at the Lord, "God, I am so angry, why did you let this happen!?!?" I know it is okay to be angry at Him. He loves me and will wrap His arms around me and hold me in tight. Sometimes I just get so mad. It seems like everyone around me had everything that they ever wanted and here we are...... we have lost our baby, our sweet pup, we can't get pregnant and I feel like I am losing my mind. I ask God all the time what does He want me to do. What am I here for? What is my purpose? I know if I keep my heart open and listen He will answer and point me in the direction He needs me to go. I was so exhausted after crying so hard that after my bath I crawled into my bed and fell asleep. I wanted to sleep forever. I don't have to think about anything when I sleep. Time passes by and I don't have to deal with anything if I am asleep. But you know you always have to wake up and face reality.
I sit here tonight out on my deck feeling a little more peaceful. I know I have a hard week 1/2 ahead of me leading up to Mamie's birthday but I can do it. I have been so blessed to have so many people that care for me. I don't know what I would do without all of you. And Taylor...... what an amazing husband I have. I know he is dealing with his own sadness with Fathers Day and Mamie's year coming up. He is the most loving and compassionate man I know and I am so happy that he is my man. I love you Tay!
Sorry for all the sobbing sadness I have here but that is what this blog is all about. Getting out my feelings and honoring my Mamie.
Have a peaceful night!
- Sarah