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1 Year! Remembering Mamie

I can't believe it has been a year. All day today I have been looking at the clock and thinking remembering the nightmare we were going through. 10:30 I remember I was sitting in the doctors office as they told me they couldn't find a heartbeat. My doctor hugging me and praying with me till Taylor and my family got there. 12pm I remember they started to induce me. I remember how scared I was but how I felt like everything that was happening was all a dream. I just couldn't believe that Mamie was gone and I would be delivering a lifeless baby. I remember Taylor by my side and holding me in close. My family all around and friends coming in and out of the room. My eyes were practically swollen shut from crying. How has it been almost a year since I held my sweet little angel? I woke us this morning feeling so much peace. I was scared to sit down once I got out of bed because I didn't want my mind to wonder too much. Today was my day to finish things up for Mamie's celebration weekend. I threw on my workout clothes and was out the door. Those who know me well, I am not much of a morning person especially when it comes to exercising. :) Taylor had left about 20mins before me with Gus. (he loves to workout in the morning) I turned on my music and breathed in the early morning air. It was quiet outside and it was pretty cool which now I know why Taylor likes the A.M. runs :) It was a nice walk, and I was energized and drenched with sweat when I got home. My phone was ringing as soon as I walked in the door. Brit was ready to meet up and get to work. We headed out and spent pretty much all day today working on stuff for this weekend and a BIG surprise tomorrow that I will be releasing on the blog.
We have been so overwhelmed by the love and thoughtfulness people have for us. We have received so many cards, beautiful flowers and sweet little gifts the past 2 weeks. I can't get over it. I of course have taken pictures with my phone so I could not only share everything with you all, but so I can look back and remember in years to come.
Tonight Taylor and I sit here not so much talking about what was going on this time last year but just how much we love each other and how blessed we are. Our good friends Dustin and Ashley got us a 2 night stay at the Arlington in Hot Springs so tomorrow we are heading over to have a weekend away to celebrate Mamie's 1st birthday and da....da.....daaaaaaaaaa my 30th birthday. Writing this right now I think about how horrible my birthday was last year but it was also so amazing because I spent the whole morning holding my baby girl. I thank God for that.
Anyway, I will be back tomorrow with another special post on Mamie's 1st birthday.
I never posted on Father's Day and I feel so bad for not doing that so I want to say something here to my sweet husband and to Mamie's amazing daddy. You are such an amazing man and I am so thankful to have you in my life. I couldn't have made it this past year without your love and understanding. I enjoyed celebrating Fathers Day with you a day late. What a fun day we had. Mamie is so lucky to have you for her daddy. I love you babe.
A friend of ours sent this poem to Tay and I wanted to share it with you guys.

Father to daughter

What can I say? Where shall I start? You were so beautiful, you captured my heart We only got to know you, through images on a screen We felt the occasional movement, the rest was left unseen

If God had allowed it, I would have loved you so I would have given anything, just to see you grow To share with you in laughter; your joy, your years To even share the sad times, and wipe away your tears

You would have been so beautiful; you had your mother’s eyes And witty and funny, and carefree and wise You’d have loved the mountains, as we shared walks and climbs You had such potential; now I know only sad times

I will not devalue the time we shared, with any platitude Just take these never-had memories, into my solitude They said once for a princess, that the price for love was grief So I will hold onto the loss I feel, and won’t let it be brief

I will not end with sadness; there’s hope in these words I’ve spoken My joy is now the Father’s, and in Heaven nothing’s broken Please know I dared to love you, and if Heaven’s rules allow I’ll hold you close again one day, and forget the pain of now

Katy thank you for sending that to him. Dads miss their babies just as much as we mom's do and that really meant a lot to him.

Flowers from my neighbor Lauren

A 1st birthday figurine I got from two new friends that have both lost their babies

A beautiful cross from some sweet wedding clients Payton and Sarah

Lovely flowers from my friends Carrie and Mary Margaret Thank you Patrick and Meredith for the gift cards. YEA! Crystal Goss gave us this beautiful statue. Isn't is amazing!

Thanks to my neighbor Lauren for the yummy veggies out of her garden and the adorable hummingbird feeder.

These flowers were sent to us from my doctor and nurse from Cornerstone. Thanks Doctor Seller and Barbara.

And these beautiful flowers were sent to us from clients and now friends of mine Drew and Katherine.


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- Sarah