Poppy Seed

Taylor and I went to visit Mamie's grave the other day. I was so happy when we arrived and saw that the headstone had been moved. I had a huge sigh of relief. Where it's placed now makes me feel so much better. She will be in the middle of my parents and Taylor and I. That is exactly where she needs to be. We had a pretty good day. The weather was so lovely and it was so nice spending it with my sweet husband. Britney and I decorated her wreath with Fall leaves. Isn't it beautiful. We just realized a few months back that one of my new mommy friends that lost her baby 7 years ago is buried very close to Mamie. Her birthday was on the 24th so we went by to visit her as well. It makes me feel good to know our sweet girls are buried so close to each other.

I haven't blogged in a while about what has been going on around here. Tonight I got onto blogger and saw that I had a draft that I never published back from a month ago. While reading through it I realized how badly I need to get back to journaling. So below is an entry from July 30. Since we passed Mamie's first birthday things have been a little different around here. I feel like I can breath a little better. I have found a peace that I didn't think I would ever find. It is hard to believe we made it through all the "firsts" already. I look back on this time last year and, I felt like I couldn't go on. The pain is for sure still there it has just lessened. You search for a new normal after losing a child and God has been there every step of the way. He has held me up in my darkest days and stayed by my side always. So many moms that I have talked to say, you will NEVER get over the loss of your child you just learn how to live with it. Mamie ha...

Last week we picked out the headstone for Mamie's grave. We had been told to wait around a year so the ground could settle. It is a simple headstone that will read Adams on one side with Taylor, Mamie's and my name. On the other side it will read Bussey with my parents name. Writing that all out was pretty emotional for me. Having to write her name as deceased was surreal. Beside Mamie's name we are having them engrave born a sleeping angel. I love that! Every time I go to the cemetery I have to take a step back. It always seems like a dream. I think.... am I really standing here at my daughters grave? Is this right? Is this a bad nightmare? We aren't suppose to lose our babies. She's suppose to be here with us. I quickly try to distract myself. I can't let myself think too much about what really happened. It makes me sick to my stomach and I know disaster is right around the corner if I let myself go to far. For those of you out there that ...