Last week we picked out the headstone for Mamie's grave. We had been told to wait around a year so the ground could settle. It is a simple headstone that will read Adams on one side with Taylor, Mamie's and my name. On the other side it will read Bussey with my parents name. Writing that all out was pretty emotional for me. Having to write her name as deceased was surreal. Beside Mamie's name we are having them engrave born a sleeping angel. I love that!
Every time I go to the cemetery I have to take a step back. It always seems like a dream. I think.... am I really standing here at my daughters grave? Is this right? Is this a bad nightmare? We aren't suppose to lose our babies. She's suppose to be here with us. I quickly try to distract myself. I can't let myself think too much about what really happened. It makes me sick to my stomach and I know disaster is right around the corner if I let myself go to far. For those of you out there that have had a great loss I'm sure you know what I mean. I begin to panic and it feels like the walls are closing in on me. It is hard to breath and the tears flow like a river. I feel like there is no place for me in the world without her.
When I pulled up to Mamie's spot I was so surprised by the wind chime someone had put in the tree. Every time we've been down there we have always discussed putting a wind chime in the tree for her. As I stood there taking it all in a soft breeze blew through the trees and the chime made it sweet sound. It was beautiful. I got the biggest lump in my throat. Taylor and I are very blessed to have so many amazing friends that love us and our Mamie. The fact that someone came down to the cemetery and brought a chime just for us and Mamie means the world to us. Thank you to whoever did that. All I can say is, so special.
I will take some pictures once the headstone is in place. They said it would take a few months to come in but I am sure we will make a special day of it when it arrives. I took some video of the chime to share with you guys.
I hope you all are enjoying your day. I am spending my afternoon on my deck with Gus.