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Thursday, February 25, 2010

Remembering Mamie- 8mths

I woke up this morning feeling like there was a ton of bricks on my chest. I can't believe today is 8mths Mamie has been in heaven. I sat here thinking where have the day gone. I feel like the world is going on around me but I am stuck here in the same place. I really wanted to pull the covers over my head and cry myself back to sleep. I began to pray and next thing I knew I was walking to the kitchen to get my coffee. My heart aches for Mamie but I know she is in such a better place happy and healthy. Last night before Taylor and I went to sleep he told me that the past 2 nights he has had dreams about her. That makes me so happy. The fact that he has gotten to see her in his dreams must be amazing. I have yet to have that experience and I pray everyday that someday soon I will. Taylor said he doesn't really remember anything about the dreams except that she was there and she was not a baby. She was a little toddler running around. I find that so crazy because one of my very best friends told me a few months ago that when she thinks of Mamie in heaven she doesn't think of her as a baby but a toddler with long dark curls running around and playing. I feel sad because I haven't had those dreams of her. We talked about this in our grief group. So many mom's said the same thing. They have never had those dreams but one of the dad's made a great point. We may not dream about our babies at night but we dream about them all day long.
Mamie's candle is burning and I am trying to keep myself busy. I want to thank all of you that have sent emails and text this morning. You don't know how much that means to us. Britney just called after dropping Silas off at school. She said Silas looked at her and asked if she was going to light a candle for Mamie. She said "That's a great idea Silas." and he responded again saying, "Light a candle for Mamie." What special little guy he is. It's so crazy because she said Mamie's name has not been mentioned at all this morning. I truly believe he has a connection with her that we will never understand. I think God is sending me messages through Silas and I am ever so thankful.
I wanted to share this sweet video I got of Silas saying his night night prayers. He says these every night and every time I tear up.
Mamie, Mommy and Daddy love you so much. We miss you.
- Sarah

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

A Way to Give Back


We just returned from a Disney World trip with Mom and Dad. We took Silas and had a blast! It was really nice to get away from the cold and soak up some warm sunshine for a few days. Taylor and Jason stayed in Little Rock since it was such a quick trip. We will have to go back now that we know the basics :-) Sarah will have pictures on her work blog soon I am sure!

Before we left Sarah joined Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep , an organization that offers professional pictures to families who aren’t able to bring their babies home from the hospital. The photographers involved donate their time and talent in order to give lasting memories to the families who wouldn’t otherwise have pictures to remember their babies. Sarah says this is just a small way for her to give back after all that has been given to her through the loss of our precious Mamie. There has been a lot of press here in Little Rock on the organization recently. Here is the segment from KARK 4. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Segment I know we say it so much, but thank you, thank you for all of your continued prayers and support. This is such a long road and your kindness is so appreciated.


Friday, February 5, 2010

March of Dimes Video

About 2mths after losing Mamie my very good friend Crystal Goss called me to see if we could help her out. She and her husband had been chosen to be the March of Dimes Ambassador Family of 2009 for Arkansas. Crystal for all of you that don't know is an amazing photographer. After having her first child Brayson 2 months early and spending months in the UAMS nicu she decided she needed to give back. She not only became involved in the March of Dimes but also Know I Lay Me Down to Sleep. Donating her time to document those precious moments for families to hold on to. When we found out Mamie had died Britney new exactly who she needed to call. Me being a photographer myself I knew pictures were a must and having Crystal there not only as a friend but also as a photographer capturing those moments meant the world to us. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have those picture. I feel like I could never repay Crystal for everything she did that day. When she called to see if we would be willing to tell our story I knew it was my time to give back and help spread awareness. The video was actually sent to me back in November and I have only watched it once. It is extremely touching but it is also hard for me to see myself and Taylor sitting there telling what happened. I have been wanting to share this video with you all for a long time know so here it is. Joshua Smith did an amazing job putting this together. It blew me away!
Thank you Crystal for everything you have done for us. You are truly a blessing to us and I am so thankful for your friendship. I decided right after we had Mamie that donating my time and gift of photography was what I needed to do. I am extremely excited. It has taken me 7mths to actually move forward in this process but I believe I am ready.
I hope you all have a wonderful day.
- Sarah
You might want to click play and then pause and let the video load all the way before starting.

March Of Dimes - Goss Family from Joshua Smith on Vimeo.