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Remembering Mamie- 8mths

I woke up this morning feeling like there was a ton of bricks on my chest. I can't believe today is 8mths Mamie has been in heaven. I sat here thinking where have the day gone. I feel like the world is going on around me but I am stuck here in the same place. I really wanted to pull the covers over my head and cry myself back to sleep. I began to pray and next thing I knew I was walking to the kitchen to get my coffee. My heart aches for Mamie but I know she is in such a better place happy and healthy. Last night before Taylor and I went to sleep he told me that the past 2 nights he has had dreams about her. That makes me so happy. The fact that he has gotten to see her in his dreams must be amazing. I have yet to have that experience and I pray everyday that someday soon I will. Taylor said he doesn't really remember anything about the dreams except that she was there and she was not a baby. She was a little toddler running around. I find that so crazy because one of my very best friends told me a few months ago that when she thinks of Mamie in heaven she doesn't think of her as a baby but a toddler with long dark curls running around and playing. I feel sad because I haven't had those dreams of her. We talked about this in our grief group. So many mom's said the same thing. They have never had those dreams but one of the dad's made a great point. We may not dream about our babies at night but we dream about them all day long.
Mamie's candle is burning and I am trying to keep myself busy. I want to thank all of you that have sent emails and text this morning. You don't know how much that means to us. Britney just called after dropping Silas off at school. She said Silas looked at her and asked if she was going to light a candle for Mamie. She said "That's a great idea Silas." and he responded again saying, "Light a candle for Mamie." What special little guy he is. It's so crazy because she said Mamie's name has not been mentioned at all this morning. I truly believe he has a connection with her that we will never understand. I think God is sending me messages through Silas and I am ever so thankful.
I wanted to share this sweet video I got of Silas saying his night night prayers. He says these every night and every time I tear up.
Mamie, Mommy and Daddy love you so much. We miss you.
- Sarah
video

Comments

  1. I know what you mean about the dreams and the fog. It took about a year for me to finally have a dream about my dad. It made me so sad, not being able to see his face in my head, but I remember so vividly when I did. We were simply sitting on a bench, side by side, watching a football game. We didn't talk, but I knew from him sitting beside me, that he was in peace. I pray that you soon will be able to have that feeling of peace with Mamie. But she will come to you when it is time, once the heart can bear it. And one day, this fog will lift, I promise. In the meantime, there are so many of us that will lift you up and get you through even the toughest days. I'm always here for you if you want to talk. Loves!

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  3. I love that Silas comforts you. He loves you and Uncle so very much. Enjoyed hanging out today. Love you sis.

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  4. So touching Sarah. Thought about you alot yesterday. So thankful for the awesome support system you have and for sweet, sweet Silas. Love you! Jayna

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  5. I am so sorry for your loss. We experienced a death in utero of a family member this past year. It's hard. It does get better, but it's still hard.

    Come link your blog to our Arkansas Bloggers page at arkansasbloggers.blogspot.com. This is just a fun way for us to get to know and support one another.

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  6. I found you website while trying out bing.com for the first time. I am also a photographer, and I was searching for my business' website when I came upon your blog with the same name.

    I've cried for you for the last hour. I will pray for your healing hearts. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

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