Skip to main content

Remembering Mamie- 8mths

I woke up this morning feeling like there was a ton of bricks on my chest. I can't believe today is 8mths Mamie has been in heaven. I sat here thinking where have the day gone. I feel like the world is going on around me but I am stuck here in the same place. I really wanted to pull the covers over my head and cry myself back to sleep. I began to pray and next thing I knew I was walking to the kitchen to get my coffee. My heart aches for Mamie but I know she is in such a better place happy and healthy. Last night before Taylor and I went to sleep he told me that the past 2 nights he has had dreams about her. That makes me so happy. The fact that he has gotten to see her in his dreams must be amazing. I have yet to have that experience and I pray everyday that someday soon I will. Taylor said he doesn't really remember anything about the dreams except that she was there and she was not a baby. She was a little toddler running around. I find that so crazy because one of my very best friends told me a few months ago that when she thinks of Mamie in heaven she doesn't think of her as a baby but a toddler with long dark curls running around and playing. I feel sad because I haven't had those dreams of her. We talked about this in our grief group. So many mom's said the same thing. They have never had those dreams but one of the dad's made a great point. We may not dream about our babies at night but we dream about them all day long.
Mamie's candle is burning and I am trying to keep myself busy. I want to thank all of you that have sent emails and text this morning. You don't know how much that means to us. Britney just called after dropping Silas off at school. She said Silas looked at her and asked if she was going to light a candle for Mamie. She said "That's a great idea Silas." and he responded again saying, "Light a candle for Mamie." What special little guy he is. It's so crazy because she said Mamie's name has not been mentioned at all this morning. I truly believe he has a connection with her that we will never understand. I think God is sending me messages through Silas and I am ever so thankful.
I wanted to share this sweet video I got of Silas saying his night night prayers. He says these every night and every time I tear up.
Mamie, Mommy and Daddy love you so much. We miss you.
- Sarah

Comments

  1. I know what you mean about the dreams and the fog. It took about a year for me to finally have a dream about my dad. It made me so sad, not being able to see his face in my head, but I remember so vividly when I did. We were simply sitting on a bench, side by side, watching a football game. We didn't talk, but I knew from him sitting beside me, that he was in peace. I pray that you soon will be able to have that feeling of peace with Mamie. But she will come to you when it is time, once the heart can bear it. And one day, this fog will lift, I promise. In the meantime, there are so many of us that will lift you up and get you through even the toughest days. I'm always here for you if you want to talk. Loves!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love that Silas comforts you. He loves you and Uncle so very much. Enjoyed hanging out today. Love you sis.

    ReplyDelete
  4. So touching Sarah. Thought about you alot yesterday. So thankful for the awesome support system you have and for sweet, sweet Silas. Love you! Jayna

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am so sorry for your loss. We experienced a death in utero of a family member this past year. It's hard. It does get better, but it's still hard.

    Come link your blog to our Arkansas Bloggers page at arkansasbloggers.blogspot.com. This is just a fun way for us to get to know and support one another.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I found you website while trying out bing.com for the first time. I am also a photographer, and I was searching for my business' website when I came upon your blog with the same name.

    I've cried for you for the last hour. I will pray for your healing hearts. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Burke is 3!!!!!

Okay I have decided that time is going by way too fast.  Burke just turned 3 the beginning of June!  I can not believe it.  I feel like just yesterday I was in the hospital having the little guy!  We had a fun small family party and he is loving some super hero's right now so that was the theme :)  Silas really wanted to jump out when he walked in and yell surprise so that is what we did :)  Burke is super shy and he really wasn't a fan of it all.  Pibby and Pops got him his first bike and it is SO cute.   I picked up a balloon for all the kids and one special spider man one for Boo.  He has always loved balloons.  He said the sweetest thing....... he wanted to let his balloons go up to Mamie so she would know that it was his birthday.  I couldn't believe he let his special Spider Man one go.  It made me want to cry.  She should be here with us.  ANYWAYS, it was a fun day and I got some pictures of course and a few videos.  Happy 3rd Birthday Burkie BOO!  We love you so so

Baby Burke- Please Pray

Taylor and I went in for our big ultrasound this morning. I am 18 weeks along now, so they were checking out our baby boy closely. They found 2 genetic markers that caused a red flag. One cyst on the brain and his kidneys are enlarged. We need lots of prayers right now. Prayers for these markers to disappear and for our baby boy to be healthy. We also need prayers for our sanity as we wait, hope and pray. We will go back for another ultrasound in 8 weeks (March 31). We were told not to look this up on the internet and would appreciate only positive comments on this situation. God is good and we are leaving it in His hands. Thanks for your prayers, Sarah

NO FEAR!!!

I took the kids to the park this afternoon once the sun came out.  It was so beautiful and we love Woodlands Edge park.  Lots of trees, green space to run and Slides:) Winnie is small but that girl is mighty.  She has NO FEAR when it comes to the slides.  Which is totally different for me since Burke has always been so cautious.  I love days like this.  Feeling very blessed! - Sarah