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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Remembering Mamie- 11mths

I woke up this morning feeling sick to my stomach and having a horrible headache. I decided to run a hot bath and as I was standing there so many emotions came rushing back to me. I felt like I was reliving those days after I had gotten home from the hospital without Mamie. All I wanted to do was crawl back in bed but I know that won't help at all. I decided to get myself dressed, make a big cup of coffee and spend my morning on the deck. I need some alone time. Time to myself to think about everything and be with the Lord. My heart hurts so bad today and the lump in my throat won't go away. There is not a day or minute that goes by that I don't think about Mamie. Some days are just extra hard. I feel so lost and alone. I ask God all the time what is my purpose? What am I suppose to being doing here? I know He has a plan for Taylor and I. Keeping my faith and leaning on Him is all I can do. We thank you all for your continued prayers.
We love you Mamie and miss you so so much. Happy 11 months in heaven.
- Sarah

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Mamie's headstone

Last week we picked out the headstone for Mamie's grave. We had been told to wait around a year so the ground could settle. It is a simple headstone that will read Adams on one side with Taylor, Mamie's and my name. On the other side it will read Bussey with my parents name. Writing that all out was pretty emotional for me. Having to write her name as deceased was surreal. Beside Mamie's name we are having them engrave born a sleeping angel. I love that!
Every time I go to the cemetery I have to take a step back. It always seems like a dream. I think.... am I really standing here at my daughters grave? Is this right? Is this a bad nightmare? We aren't suppose to lose our babies. She's suppose to be here with us. I quickly try to distract myself. I can't let myself think too much about what really happened. It makes me sick to my stomach and I know disaster is right around the corner if I let myself go to far. For those of you out there that have had a great loss I'm sure you know what I mean. I begin to panic and it feels like the walls are closing in on me. It is hard to breath and the tears flow like a river. I feel like there is no place for me in the world without her.
When I pulled up to Mamie's spot I was so surprised by the wind chime someone had put in the tree. Every time we've been down there we have always discussed putting a wind chime in the tree for her. As I stood there taking it all in a soft breeze blew through the trees and the chime made it sweet sound. It was beautiful. I got the biggest lump in my throat. Taylor and I are very blessed to have so many amazing friends that love us and our Mamie. The fact that someone came down to the cemetery and brought a chime just for us and Mamie means the world to us. Thank you to whoever did that. All I can say is, so special.
I will take some pictures once the headstone is in place. They said it would take a few months to come in but I am sure we will make a special day of it when it arrives. I took some video of the chime to share with you guys.
I hope you all are enjoying your day. I am spending my afternoon on my deck with Gus.
-Sarah
video

Friday, May 7, 2010

Gracie

We are so sad this week because our sweet Grace has passed away. We have spent 10 1/2 wonderful and exciting years with her. She was the best pup. We always called her our super model because of her skinny legs, lean body and she always watched what she ate :) Never in my life have I known a dog that turned their nose up to steak. I remember the day I got her. I was a sophomore in college. I had two wonderful roomates and we thought we needed to add to our little family on Garland Street. I was pre vet that semester and had been studying different breads of dogs. The weimaraner, I had decided, would be my next dog. She was the cutest pup, and I fell in love the moment I saw her. These past 10 1/2 years have been wonderful with her around. She wasn't the most snuggly dog but she loved her mama and would sometimes crawl up close and curl up in a little ball. She was our little deer. :) Taylor and I have been talking about all the funny things she used to do today. It just doesn't seem real that she is gone. The house is empty now. Both of our girls have gone to heaven this year. Our family of 5 has dwindled down to a small 3. We do smile when we think of her in heaven with Mamie. I bet she is letting Mamie love all over her. We thank you for all the sweet flowers, emails, calls and notes. She was a HUGE part of our lives and she will be dearly missed.

I have a few pictures I would like to share with you all.

Gracie like I said was not a big eater. She did however know how to get our attention. She was a little neurotic with pawing her food bowl though in order to let us know she was ready to eat NOW. Sometimes we would fill her bowl and she would just walk away, as to let us know she was our Master! She did this everyday, no fail. I am not sure if she and Gus had a little plan up their sleeves. He would then run over and try to gobble up every morsel. It was like they had orchestrated the whole thing. Just a few months ago when she was standing at her bowl I grabbed my camera and began taking pictures of her. I was crying I was laughing so hard at that crazy dog because she began falling asleep while she was standing there. Ah! I miss her so!

I love how she curled into a tight little ball. And I will leave you with my favorite picture of her ever. A few months after losing Mamie I was walking down the hall when I found her laying in the nursery looking out the window.