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It's January

It's been a while since I have blogged. Everyday I have told myself that I need to sit down and get some words out. But each day went by and nothing was said. Our lives have been about the same around here. As most of you all know we went away for Christmas this year with my family. We rented a house out in Jackson Hole for the week and it was amazing. Taylor and I could look out our window every morning at Snow King Mountain and watch the skiers come down. The house was decorated for Christmas but not overdone. We were totally dreading the holidays. The soft white onsie with red piping and a cute little reindeer kept popping up in my head as Christmas grew closer. I bought it back at the end of the season last year from Catering to You. She would have looked so precious in it. That same day Britney and I bought matching pjs for Silas and Mamie. They were red and white pants with a matching top but it also had some lime green on it. We laughed thinking about how cute they would look and talked about how Mom would probably want to use a picture like that for her Christmas card......ah..... Christmas Day turned out to be better than I expected. Mamie got to share her 6th month birthday in Heaven with Jesus. All I could think about that day was "WOW! I bet it is amazing up there." I had a total sense of peace that day. God had calmed my heart and I was very thankful.

When we returned home was when I hit rock bottom. Everyone went back to work and this is my slow time. Every year this is when we step back from the business and take a breath. Every morning I would wake up and just lay in bed. I kept wishing it would be a better day but I just couldn't seem to find that day. I started wandering around in the house not knowing what to do with myself. I felt like I was going crazy. I tried making list of things to do and that didn't even help. All I could think about was how much I miss Mamie and wondering how I was going to get out of this horrible place I had fallen into. I begged God to help me..... and he did. One morning I woke up and it was like the clouds had parted. I felt so much better. I was still sad of course but I felt like a part of me was back. I am so thankful for all of my amazing friends and family who kept calling and coming over. Even though many times I would just let the phone ring yall never gave up on me. God has once again picked me up in his arms and carried me out of the storm. These past couple of weeks have been SO much better. I feel like I have a purpose in life again. I have started back walking which has made a big difference in my days. I have also decided that I am going to get back to blogging more. I have received so many emails from you guys out there that have been touched by our story. So many that have found comfort in knowing you aren't the only one out there that are going through this nightmare of loosing a child and others that have found my words helpful in dealing with friends and loved ones that are going through the same thing. That makes me feel good. I started this blog for me during such a happy time and have found it therapeutic to continue journaling even though I am not so happy anymore. So thank you to everyone out there reading and remembering our sweet Mamie.

- Sarah

Comments

  1. Wow sis, I love reading this. I hope and pray that you continue to feel this peace and purpose as you move forward with your days, weeks and months. I know it's not easy and probably never will be, but for you to feel peaceful even at times is an answer to my prayers. Love you so much!
    -Brit

    p.s. Silas says, "happy birfday to mamie tomorrow." (7 months)

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  2. Sarah---I want you to know I continue to think and pray for all of you! I am so glad that in spite of the hard holiday season you are feeling some peace in the last couple weeks....I know that 2010 is going to bring you and Taylor great happiness! Hope to see you all soon! Heather

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  3. Thinking of you and your family. I am glad you had a nice Christmas. Praying for will feel that peace again.

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  4. you are such an awesome person. i know mamie is proud of you, sarah.

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  5. That was so beautiful! I pray that you continue to find peace and comfort. Blessings, Tabitha

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  6. thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. I don't even know you, but I have a friend who is walking your journey as well..as a matter of fact.. both of your baby girls met Jesus on the same day... 6/25/09.. My friend's daughter's name is Emilee. I am and will continue to lift you up in prayer.

    -Samantha Hogan

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  7. Oh Sarah, this is so great to read. You are so strong and inspiring. I am so grateful to know you and Taylor. xoxo

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