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4 Years

Today Mamie is celebrating her 4th birthday in Heaven.  WOW!  4 years.... I know people say this all the time but it really feels like yesterday.  It has been an okay day today.  I have been  in a quiet zone today.  Not really having a lot to say.  Just wanting to be quiet and think about my sweet girl.  We have stayed pretty busy up at the office getting things squared away after the race which has been good for me.  I will say I have been on the verge of tears all day.  It is so weird how crazy your emotions can be.  I really have been doing great lately.  I didn't cry at all at the race and today I tear up just thinking about her let alone talking about her.  Taylor and I took Burke and Winnie down to visit Mamie's special place after work.  I cut some of the pink hydranies in her garden for us to place at her marker.  It was a nice evening and her chime that Daniel and Candice hung in a tree sounded beautiful.  It was bittersweet sitting Burke and Winnie there with the flowers.  Seeing them at their sisters special spot.  I keep thinking of what she would be doing if she were here.  What she would be teaching Burke and Winnie.  But then I also think if she was here would Burke and Winnie be here.....?  When we got home all I wanted to do was snuggle with the kids and then after they went to bed I just wanted to be alone.  I know Taylor is sad too and I hope he doesn't think I was totally avoiding him.  I just needed some time.  I turned on my favorite show which happened to start after Mamie died "So You Think You Can Dance".  I curled up in my bed and zoned out.  Sometimes it feels good just to have a sad day.

Mamie, we miss you so very much and hope you had a wonderful birthday.

- Sarah


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