July 25th- One month later.....

Yesterday was the 25th. I can't believe it has been a month since we lost Mamie. It seems like yesterday to all of us. We have been taking it day by day and I can say we have had some pretty good days here and there. I feel like some days I am in pure denial about what happened. It is usually a day that there is a lot going on. But I find by the end of the day I am a total basket case. I need to let it out. Crying that hard makes me feel good ya know. Nancy (a friend and Sunday school teacher of ours) told me it is like releasing the toxins from your body. You feel so much better once you get it all out.

Fayetteville was nice. Taylor and I saw baby Owen and we both did really good. I can't say we didn't cry because we did. But we didn't loose it like we thought we would. I was even worried about seeing Jayna for the first time. We have such a close connection with being pregnant together I just wasn't sure but all I wanted to do was give her a big hug.

The relationship between Taylor and I has grown stronger than I ever thought was possible. It is really hard for me when he leaves for work. I want to be with him constantly. We are starting our grief one on one counseling next week and we are really looking forward to that. I think having someone outside our circle to sit and talk to us is going to help us get our emotions out even more.

Our Lord has been right here with us every day. Sitting out on the deck in the mornings feeling the cool breeze. I feel so close to God at those moments. I find myself crying out to Him for guidance, peace and strength to make it through every day.

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant again. We were at the doctor for my blood work and they told me I was pregnant. I can't really remember anything else about the dream except that there was a little happiness and hope there. I know we are going to be so scared when we get pregnant again. But through all of this I know that we will put all our faith in our Lord that everything will be okay.

I have photographed 4 sessions since all of this has happened. 3 babies and one maternity. Everyone has asked me how in the world I have done this and all I can say is God has been there to me holding me up and give me the strength.

Baby Burke- Please Pray

Taylor and I went in for our big ultrasound this morning. I am 18 weeks along now, so they were checking out our baby boy closely. They found 2 genetic markers that caused a red flag. One cyst on the brain and his kidneys are enlarged. We need lots of prayers right now. Prayers for these markers to disappear and for our baby boy to be healthy. We also need prayers for our sanity as we wait, hope and pray. We will go back for another ultrasound in 8 weeks (March 31). We were told not to look this up on the internet and would appreciate only positive comments on this situation. God is good and we are leaving it in His hands. Thanks for your prayers, Sarah

Introducing Mamie's Poppy Plates

As you all know, I am Mamie's mom, and Mamie was my first child. I was pregnant with her from October 2008 to June 25th, 2009 when she was born a sleeping angel (stillborn) two and a half weeks before her due date. Stillbirth and infant death are realities that too many parents face even today. Did you know that each year 1 in 115 babies delivered is stillborn? And 1 in every 102 newborns die before the age of 28 days old? Now, a year after losing Mamie, I have started Mamie's Poppy Plates, my organization providing keepsakes for parents who are not able to take their babies home from the hospital. Because handprints and footprints are something that we cherish as parents of children in Heaven or here on this earth, I wanted to find a beautiful way to preserve such a precious reminder of our babies. Your donation of $13 will provide a plate to bereaved families who are delivering at St. Vincent Hospital. Their baby’s birth stats, hand and footprints will be stampe

Burke 24 weeks and update on doctor's visit

We had our big ultrasound the other week and I have been meaning to update you all. Sorry for the delay. First off I did pass my glucose test which is great news. To celebrate Taylor bought me a big snickers :) ha! just what I needed after drinking pure sugar water all morning on an empty stomach. I did have a total melt down at Cornerstone that morning. After drinking the sugar water I figured Burke would be bouncing around in my belly. I couldn't get him to move at all. I can't even begin to tell you all how scared I was. I rushed back to my nurse in tears begging for them to get the doppler out. Within seconds I was on the table as they rubbed the doppler across by belly. I was a total wreck. I just keep thinking in my head "I have lost another baby!" The nurse quickly found his heartbeat and everything looked and sounded great. I was SO relieved but couldn't pull it together. I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry my heart out. Why? Why did I ha

Jennifer TaylorJuly 26, 2009 at 11:23 AM
The fact that you can still feel God's love and hope, is wonderful after only one month. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I pray for your complete healing.
BritneyJuly 26, 2009 at 12:33 PM
Love you.
JaymeJuly 26, 2009 at 7:08 PM
Thank you for sharing your days with us. I'm glad that you have been able to have some good days and that you are getting back into your work. Your strength is truly amazing!
jaynaJuly 27, 2009 at 9:01 AM
Matthew and I are so grateful for the time we got to spend with you in Fayetteville. We are amazed by the strength you showed and continue to show each day. You are both amazing examples of faith, courage, and strength to all of those around you. We thank God for the friendship He has given us. We love you and continue to pray for you each day. Mamie's picture is beautiful. Love, Jayna and Matthew
Alison HaynieJuly 28, 2009 at 2:28 PM
Sarah,

I continue to pray for you and Taylor daily and will continue to do so for as long as you need prayer for. I am on the prayer chain at my home church and we, that is to say the members of our prayer chain, have a chairman who gets names from the preacher of members and also people who aren't members but who have heard of our church's prayer chain and ask for us to pray for them and also friends and/or family of members. We aren't usually told conditions or what to pray about but we pray daily for the persons on the list each of them. Sometimes it's a longer list and sometimes shorter. We pray for them until their name is taken off of our list or there is an end result. We presently are praying for a former associate preacher who's been ill a long time and was transferred to LR but cause unknown to us, but that's a whole different story.

I am so happy that you were able to find peace and a closeness to God on your deck in the mornings. You know it says in the Bible that Jesus used to go often in the mornings to pray just by himself to God. Often it was in a garden but sometimes on mountaintops.

You never know just how strong you or your relationship is until it is tested or you are put to the test, as it seems right now. I remember when my mom lost one of her brothers my Junior Year of High School. She and her other brother are even closer now.

I believe that God will always provide some happiness and hope and guidance and in time answers but sometimes we have to look a little harder or wait a little longer to find that answer or the hope and happiness. You know there's an old saying that I'll paraphrase, it goes something like "into our life, a little rain must come for the rainbow to appear". The rain in this case are your tears, and the rainbow is symbolic of God's promise to us and fullfilled by the tears we cry and the warmth from the sunlight to male the rainbow or in this case the warmth from the love of family and friends and those things that give us peace, comfort, love, etc.

Faith, Hope and Love, but the greatest of these is Love. Love with your faith and family will get you through this to the Hope that is God's promise for each of us.

Poppy Seed

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