Poppy Seed

Sorry for the delay on announcing the sex of our little Olive. We found out last week that we are having a baby boy and we are SO excited. We would have been excited either way we just want a healthy and happy baby here on earth with us. We already have a name for our sweet little guy. His full name will be Burke Kenneth Adams. Burke (what we will call him) is my mother's maiden name and we have planned to use it since the first day we started talking about babies. Kenneth is after Taylor's dad and that is also Taylor's first name. I wasn't prepared for the crazy emotions I had after finding out the sex. I wasn't sad at all because it was a boy I would have been the same way if it was a girl. It has just been a very emotional roller coaster. I have kind of kept myself separated from this baby. I just don't want my heart to get hurt again. The feelings are SO hard to explain. You mothers out there that are reading this that have lost and then had a...

I know you guys are all ready to know. WE ARE TOO! We are going in on Wednesday afternoon so stay tuned. You have a few more days to put in your vote for girl or boy. I can't wait to announce the news. Happy Monday everyone. - Sarah & Taylor

Sunday October 31st, 2010 Today was one of the happiest days of mine and Taylor lives. Our prayers were answered, we are pregnant! The excitement is totally different from that of when we found out we were pregnant with our little Mamie. There is a bit of nervousness and fright. But I am leaving it in Gods hands. He will take care of me and this baby I know it! So here is what happened.... Taylor and I went away that weekend to the river with some friends from our Sunday school class. We had such a fun weekend but I was feeling a little off. I really didn't look too deep into it since it has been month after month of waiting and trying. I really just thought, I didn't feel good and I was close to the end of my cycle. On our way home from the river I told Taylor we might want to stop and get a test. I was suppose to start fasting the very next day for my colonoscopy on Wednesday. YUCK:( We ran by Walgreens and I ran in and bought the very same test that I too...

I slept pretty well last night.  I didn't even have to take a sleeping pill which is good.  Yesterday was a much better day.  I did my usual sitting on the deck drinking my coffee and being quiet.  It is amazing how peaceful the mornings are.  Gus crawled up on the couch with me (which we usually don't let them do) and lay his head on my belly and looked at me with his sweet eyes. People have been asking me if Gracie and Gus have been acting weird and I really haven't seen a change but I think they know.  Yesterday was my first morning to be by myself and I think I needed it.  I decided to get dressed and make myself get out of the house.  In the process I began to scream and cry.  Sometimes the pain just overwhelms me and I feel like there is just no way of getting through this.  I took my bath and felt like I could handle the next step of my day.  (I take a bath everyday if not twice or even sometimes 3 times a day if I feel like it. It is another peaceful place for me.) ...

Three weeks have past and I feel like some days we have made a little progress and then the next day we are back where we started.  This week has been really hard for Taylor and I.  We met with Dr. Sellers on Tuesday and went over the pathology report.  We left with so many unanswered questions.  All we learned was her cord was short (19.5cm where the average normal cord is 50-55cm).  Her placenta was small.  She was the size she was supposed to be at 37 1/2 weeks so he was not sure about that.  There was a kink in the cord where it met the placenta and there were blood clots in the cord.  The plan is for us to come back on Aug. 18th to do lab work on me.  They will send blood samples off to be tested to see if there is a problem.  If they come back positive then Dr. Sellers will put me on some kind of medicine for my next pregnancy.  We asked him what they would determine if the test results comes back negative. He paused and said he wasn't sure.   He would have to talk to more sp...

This morning I woke up bright and early along with Taylor. We decided to go for a walk in the neighborhood. What a beautiful and peaceful morning it was. There was even a little bit of chill in the air when we walked outside for the first time. With me not leaving the house the past couple of days it felt a little strange stepping out of my comfort zone. We met a few people out that were also taking advantage of the cool air and quite morning. I guess everyone knows what happened around here because they all stopped to say hello and say how good it was to see me out. Taylor and I talked during the entire walk and I only teared up once. I feel bad not crying sometimes but I know it is just a matter of time before my breakdown hits me. I am now sitting on my quiet deck drinking my hot cup of coffee :) I really feel like today is going to be a better day. I know we couldn't be getting though this without all the prayers from our friends and people we don't even know. -...

THURSDAY, JULY 2, 2009 AT 5:53PM POSTED IN PERSONAL, PRAYERSEDIT I was sent this poem by a dear friend who also lost her baby not to long ago. I wanted to share it with you all. The way to treat a Mother who is grieving Please Be Gentle By Jill B. Englar Please be gentle with me for I am grieving. The sea I swim in is a lonely one and the shore seems miles away. Waves of despair numb my soul as I struggle through each day. My heart is heavy with sorrow. I want to shout and screamand repeatedly ask ‘why?’ At times, my grief overwhelms me and I weep bitterly,so great is my loss. Please don’t turn away or tell me to move on with my life. I must embrace my pain before I can begin to heal. Companion me through tears and sit with me in loving silence. Honor where I am in my journey, not where you think I should be. Listen patiently to my story, I may need to tell it over and over again. It’s how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss. Nurture me through the weeks and months ahead. For...

WEDNESDAY, JULY 1, 2009 AT 6:27AM POSTED IN PRAYERSEDIT I have been waking up very early every morning and I walk around this quiet house wondering what to do. I have found comfort in a hot cup of coffee and my deck. It is so peaceful early in the morning. I just sit and pray to God that He will help us get through this day. I know He is sitting right here with me and I am not alone. I have never felt this close to our Lord ever before. I don’t know how to begin to thank you all for your phone calls, texts, cards, the flowers that are all over our house, the food that has been made by so many loving hands and the emails. Taylor and I are surrounded by nothing but love and we thank you. Every night we get in bed and read over all the cards and emails that have been send to us. The words are encouragement and scripture is so uplifting. Someone said just yesterday that Mamie is not lost, we know exactly where she is. That really grabbed my attention because it is so true....