A hidden journal

Sunday October 31st, 2010

Today was one of the happiest days of mine and Taylor lives. Our prayers were answered, we are pregnant! The excitement is totally different from that of when we found out we were pregnant with our little Mamie. There is a bit of nervousness and fright. But I am leaving it in Gods hands. He will take care of me and this baby I know it!

So here is what happened.... Taylor and I went away that weekend to the river with some friends from our Sunday school class. We had such a fun weekend but I was feeling a little off. I really didn't look too deep into it since it has been month after month of waiting and trying. I really just thought, I didn't feel good and I was close to the end of my cycle. On our way home from the river I told Taylor we might want to stop and get a test. I was suppose to start fasting the very next day for my colonoscopy on Wednesday. YUCK:( We ran by Walgreens and I ran in and bought the very same test that I took with Mamie. The simple 2 lines if you are positive one. I was so tired of the digital ones that kept answering back NOT PREGNANT! Those things are depressing. As soon as we walked in the door I headed back to the bathroom. As I sat there looking at the stick I really thought I might be seeing things. But there was a faint second line showing up. Could this be for real?......... Am I seeing this right?........I slowly walked to the kitchen still staring at the stick as the line grew darker. I said "Taylor.........". He could tell by my face that there was something there. "There are 2 lines. Babe we are pregnant." I cried. Taylor being the cautious person that he is grabbed the stick and stared at it for a minute. "Are you sure these things are accurate?" he asked. I had already begun crying and Taylor grabbed me and hugged me so tight. "We are having another baby!" he said.

Taylor and I decided to call our family to tell them the news. Well this was after I peed on one more stick :) The reaction on the other line from everyone was SO perfect. There were so many tears of joy shed that day. All we could say was thank you thank you God.

We decided to get out in the yard and clean up the garden. It was a beautiful day and I wanted to spend the afternoon in Mamie's garden. Before I went outside we light her candle. I had her on my heart more than ever then. I know she is clapping up in heaven about having a brother or sister. I wish so badly that she was here with us but I this new baby will know all about their big sis and how she has touched so many lives here on earth.

It was a good day.

- Sarah

Monday Nov. 1, 2010:

I called Dr. Sellers to tell him the good news and he was thrilled. We decided to head to the clinic today to have some labs run. First they wanted to check my numbers and make sure everything looks good there but also he wanted to check my homocystine levels. When Taylor and I walked into the clinic it was PACKED! I saw Barbara standing by the sign in desk and I walked quickly over to here. She grabbed me and gave me a huge hug. Everyone at the clinic looked at Taylor and I with big smiles. They all remembered us and our sweet baby girl. It was so comforting to walk back into a place where I entered my nightmare and feel at peace. Dr. Sellers was suppose to be studying at home but he came in just to see us. He was smiling ear to ear and kept tearing up as he visited with us. I know I have said this before but he is the most kind and compassionate man and doctor. He has checked in on us these past 16mths and has continued to pray with everyone else. We didn't even hesitate when we found out to call him and let him know. We want him to be our doctor again for sure!

As of right now my due date is July 6, 2011. I can't believe it. That is SO close to Mamie's due day of July 13, 2009. I won't go into that right now. I will post later all the crazy signs I received this past month. ;)

I decided to stop taking my lexapro. I feel like I can do it but we will see. It is safe to take this while you are pregnant but there are a few risk. I just don't want to take any chances.

Tonight was the Candle Memorial at St. Vincent. They have it every year for families that have lost their baby's. We all met for dinner before hand and then headed over. It was such a lovely ceremony. The music was beautiful and Lynette did an amazing job telling her story and how she became involved with St. Vincent and the bereavement program. Taylor and I lite a candle for Mamie and picked an ornament off the tree. I also picked the same clear ball for Whit and Mitzi. I think I am going to put a picture of Mamie in ours and a picture of Weston in their ball. That will be so nice to see on the tree this year.

Tuesday Nov. 2, 2010:

Dr. Sellers called first thing this morning and said that my numbers look great. I called Taylor and said, "Babe, Sellers called and we are for sure pregnant." He was still not totally trusting those home test :) It has been a pretty good day. I have been feeling pretty adjudicative which could be me coming off of the lexapro.

Today is our work day in the office. After lunch Brit started feeling really bad. She said she was having really bad pains on her left side all the way to her back. She rested on the couch for a while but the pain grew stronger. I was not going to play around with this. Amanda and I helped her to the car and we headed to UAMS labor & delivery. The closer we got the more pain she started having. I was trying so hard to stay calm. Baby Spees did not need to come today. She is only 30 weeks. I thought I was going to have to make her get in the wheel chair but she sat down pretty fast. By the time we got her signed in and Jason and she went back to a room she was in so much pain she was throwing up. I am so glad that didn't all happen at the house. Dr. Wendel was there and said she was having contractions but was not in labor. Thank you Lord! They gave her some pain meds and fluids and stopped the contractions.

Wednesday Nov. 3, 2010:

I went back into the clinic today to check my numbers again. My homocystine levels came back normal which is very good. I still don't know what I think about it all. I have heard of some people that have the MTHFR enzyme mutation taking a baby aspirin a day. I feel like that might make me feel a little better if I do that but Dr. Sellers and I will discuss this more when I go in for my first ob appointment on Nov. 23.

Thursday Nov. 4, 2010:

The clinic called and my numbers have over doubled. YAHOO!!!!! Baby is growing in there. I feel so bloated and thick already. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I pop out really soon ;)

Sunday Nov. 14, 2010:

It has been a nice and relaxing weekend here. Taylor left Thursday to meet Dustin in the deer woods. Ashley and Alivia

to came down and spend the weekend with me. It was so good to see both of them. Alivia has grown so much since the last time

I saw her in August. I haven't been feeling totally great today. I took a long nap after church and now I have been sitting here

feeling totally sick to my stomach. I guess the nausea is setting in. I remember it so well with Mamie. Taylor and I had planned

a long weekend in New York and the whole weekend was pretty miserable for me and probably for Taylor as well. I guess I

would rather have these symptoms. It makes me feel like things are okay in there.

Sunday Nov.21, 2010:

We decided to tell our Sunday school class today and were thrilled that there were so many people there. Everyone was so

excited and many tears were shed. We are so blessed to have such an amazing group of people in our lives.

Baby Ike was baptised that morning as well. He looked so beautiful in his gown.

Tuesday Nov. 23, 2010:

Today was a really big day. Thankfully I am swamped at work so I didn't have time to think about our

first ultrasound we would be having. Taylor and I met Jyl at Freeway close to 5 and I was a nervous wreck.

All I wanted to know what that our little baby was growing and doing well. I was so anxious to see the heartbeat

and to be told everything was okay. Jyl rubbed the wand over my belly and we watched the screen in silence.

All of a sudden she said. "See right there...that's your baby. And right there is your baby's heartbeat." That

sickness in my stomach went away. Everything looked great and it was amazing to see our baby Olive in there.

Wednesday Nov. 24, 2010

Taylor and I headed to Cornerstone first thing this morning. We were so excited to see Dr. Sellers and Barbara.

We brought our ultrasound so he could take a look. Baby Olive's heart rate looked great at 138 beats

per minute. I asked him to look back in our charts at Mamie's stats. She was at around 168 beats per minute.

I wonder if that means this baby Olive could be a boy :) We don't care either way but it is so fun to discuss and make

bets with each other on the sex. We have decided since all looks well we would tell the world that we have a new baby

on the way. YEA!!!!!!!!

Monday Nov. 29, 2010

Thanksgiving was so wonderful. Taylor and I woke up early and had coffee and slowly got ready. The day started at my

parents house. When we got there mom was in the kitchen, dad was getting the turkey off the big green egg and Brit, Jason

and Silas were in the den watching the Macy's Day Parade. I was in the best mood and was so happy to be spending the day with

family. Taylor and I brought Mamie's candle over. It is crazy how her month always falls on Thanksgiving and

Christmas but I think it is also really special too. She would have been 17 months and I imagine she would be following

Silas around everywhere and busy trying to keep up. I think about the cute little dress we would have her in and a big

bow in that beautiful dark curly hair. Cosy, Maddie, Aunt Sandy and Uncle Stevie came over and we all gathered around

the table and stuffed ourselves with yummy food. Taylor and I headed out a few hours after lunch for Hot Springs to have

a second Thanksgiving with his family. I told myself I wasn't going to eat much but by the time 5 o'clock rolled

around my plate was full and I was happy :) It was a lovely day and I am so thankful for such a wonderful families Taylor and I

both have. We are truly blessed.

December 9th, 2010

Britney has been on bed rest for almost 4 weeks now. Crazy right! Baby Abe has been trying to come since she was around

30 weeks and we just can't have that. I told her I would take her in to her appointment today so Jason didn't have to take off work

and plus Jyl said that she would give her an ultrasound and I wanted to see that little guy. I was cracking up when Brit got out of the

car and started waddling into the the building. The sweet sister that I am started singing, "Umpa, dopa, dupadi do"

She looks so cute. She hasn't gained a pound anywhere but that belly and it looks like she has stretched her shirt over

an extra large basketball. Dr. Wendel was very sweet and gave me a huge hug and said what a great Christmas present

you have received. Britney was dilated to a 2 possible a 3 and he told her to go home and lay on her back. She was not

very excited to hear that news but she knew what she had to do. Jyl came in to take her in for her ultrasound and I was surprised when

she asked me if I wanted to be scanned. Of course I do! I hopped right up on that table and pulled my shirt up. Baby Olive has grown so

much and he/she was waving its little arms and kicking its legs. Pretty awesome! The heartbeat was up to 168 beats per

minute and Jyl said everything looks great. I was so releaved. Next up was Britney and Jyl did a 4D on baby Abe. He was in the best

position to see his sweet little face. He looked a little smashed in there which didn't surprise us at all. He was opening an closing

his eyes and his little mouth was moving. At one point he started sucking his thumb. Just like his Aunt Kiki use to do. Britney

and I felt much better getting to see our little babies and we went home happy.

Here is our baby Olive at 10 weeks :)