Well today hasn't been the best of days. I guess I could say the past couple of days have been pretty hard for both Taylor and I. We miss Mamie so much. Everyday seems to go by and we are just stuck here in this sadness. The weather has been so nice and I keep thinking back to this time last year. I was really popping out and we were busy working on her nursery. I pulled out one of my spring purses the other day and found some pink fabric that I had brought home to look at. It just made my stomach turn. Today all I can do is think about why us? Why can't we be happy here with our 10month old. Why we couldn't be doing our usual Sunday afternoon errands with our little one strapped in the backseat. Instead today it was just Taylor and I riding around with our windows rolled down trying to enjoy the day but feeling totally empty inside because the biggest part of our lives is missing. We went down to the cemetery to visit her grave. We were both surprised to see that someone had brought her a potted rose. Taylor and I wondered around there cemetery for about an hour looking at tombstones. We haven't decided on a marker for Mamie yet but hope to do that very soon.
It has been really nice having this day just with Taylor. We spent most of the morning being quiet sitting on our deck. I can tell he is having a rough day. Taylor as you all know is a big talker and very few words have come out of his mouth today.
I want to tell you all that we really appreciate all of your continued prayers. This is a hard road that we will be traveling down for the rest of our lives. Moving on is something we will never do. You never get over losing a child you just learn to live with the pain. You search hard to find a new normal and that is what we are doing.
Today we remember Mamie who we love and miss dearly. We know she is having the best time in heaven and that does make me happy.
- Sarah
Wishing you much happiness and many smiles during your difficult days:)- Evelyn
ReplyDeleteLove you guys!! You are continuously in our thoughts and we are praying for you all! I pray you feel the Lord's arms wrapped around you and are covered with the warmth of his love.
ReplyDeleteAnswer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer.Psalm 4:1
sorry...Leslie
ReplyDeleteSarah, I just found your blog and read so many of your posts. The things I read here tonight helped my hurting soul. My husband and I were told the only way we could have children is through IVF. We did it and lost 3 precious babies. We are starting IVF#2 next month and I am depressed and scared when I should be excited. Everything you've written here means the world to me. Thank you so much for sharing with us.
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