Another sleeping angel

Yesterday started out really great. I was out enjoying my morning quiet time and coffee on the deck when I got a call from Lynette my bereavement nurse. A girl that I met last week to do some maternity pictures had gone into labor. You see, Lynette called me a few weeks back to ask me if I would be willing to document the end of this mothers pregnancy. She had just found out that her precious baby had trisomy 13. When we met for the first time we totally hit it off. There is a bond so powerful between mothers that have gone through or are going through losing their child. We captured the most beautiful maternity pictures. We talked for ever after we were finished about everything. She and her husband were hit in the heart by this news at around 30 weeks when she went in for her baby views. Her doctor had missed all the signs that there was something wrong. They were very hopeful that their baby would make it through the pregnancy and be delivered alive so that they could spend even an hour with him. I have heard of people being told to just terminate their pregnancy when they find out their baby has trisomy 13 or 18. That's just crazy to me. It's crazy to think that a doctor would even bring that up. There are so many that make it through the pregnancy and live for a couple of day if not more. To have that time with your baby.... ah why would you want to not take that chance. I am sure most of you all have heard of 99 Balloons : Celebrating the Life of Eliot Mooney but if you haven't go check it out. It is the most touching documentary I have ever seen. Be sure to have you a box of kleenex on hand.

I got to the hospital yesterday around 10am. I have been back to St. Vincent's numerous times since I delivered Mamie but never back in one of the delivery rooms. I prayed the whole way to the hospital, walking from the parking deck and down the hall to meet Lynette. She was standing there waiting for me when I rounded the corner to head into labor and delivery. I was extremely calm and was but was very anxious to see the mom. When we headed down to her room I asked Lynette if the room was set up the same way mine was. Thankfully it was opposite which I think helped a lot. As the door opened all of the memories came flooding back. The mom was laying in the bed while the tons of family members were sprinkled around the room. I introduced myself and began taking pictures. I am so happy the mom wanted this done. She and her husband will cherish these photos forever. At around 11 or so everyone was sent to the quiet room (which is a special room for families that are delivering a baby that has already passed or might pass soon after birth). It was time for baby to come. She pushed for about an hour and a half. She was so strong. Their baby was born around 12:20 a sleeping angel weighing a little over 3lbs. It was extremely emotional. I just isn't fair. The doctor wrapped him up and handed his limp little body over to his mother. This is the moment that every mom especially first mom looks forward to. Seeing and holding their precious baby for the first time. Hearing them cry and try to open their eyes. She didn't get to hear him cry and his eyes never saw the light of day. It broke my heart. It just isn't fair.

I had shared with her all the special things we did and have from our experience. I told her how I wished we had a pottery plate to with Mamie's hands and feet prints on it. She loved the idea. She was going to have all of the staff and family that were there sign the plate. I thought that was a wonderful idea.

I stayed at the hospital till around 3:30 taking every picture I could get. When I left I felt drained, overwhelmed and extremely sad. It made me miss Mamie even more and I didn't even think that was even possible. I kept replaying the whole day in my head as I drove home. I knew exactly how she was feeling and that hurts me. No one should have to feel that pain.

I came in and crashed on the couch. I decided I would catch up on my Ugly Betty. It helped me step out of this world for a few hours. When Taylor got home he knew something was wrong. I am so thankful for him. He's such an amazing husband. He let me talk it out and sat there listening with sad eyes. I don't know what I would do without him.

I am sorry to give you guys a sad story today. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. I sit here this morning back out on the deck and wonder what God had in store for me today. Please say a special prayer for this family. I am sure she is being released from the hospital today. Going home without your baby is extremely hard and reality really starts to set in when you step through your front door.

- Sarah