Poppy Seed

It is the end of April and I really can't believe how fast the months have passed us by. From what I told you in an earlier post Taylor and I have been given the okay to try for another baby. Month after month has been really hard when it just doesn't happen. I keep telling myself that God has a plan for us. I believe that he will bless us with another baby but I know it will be on his time not mine. I am still going to my weekly acupuncture which I absolutely love. She calms me. We have also started a new journey. Last month we were sent to the fertility doctor. They are hoping to get my body on a normal cycle which I have never had in my life. The beginning process was pretty emotional for me. I just didn't understand why I was having to go through more testing. We know we can get pregnant. My body just needed a little help. The whole experience is not what I expected. The clinic is pretty cold and sterile. I am not saying that they aren't nice it i...

Well today hasn't been the best of days. I guess I could say the past couple of days have been pretty hard for both Taylor and I. We miss Mamie so much. Everyday seems to go by and we are just stuck here in this sadness. The weather has been so nice and I keep thinking back to this time last year. I was really popping out and we were busy working on her nursery. I pulled out one of my spring purses the other day and found some pink fabric that I had brought home to look at. It just made my stomach turn. Today all I can do is think about why us? Why can't we be happy here with our 10month old. Why we couldn't be doing our usual Sunday afternoon errands with our little one strapped in the backseat. Instead today it was just Taylor and I riding around with our windows rolled down trying to enjoy the day but feeling totally empty inside because the biggest part of our lives is missing. We went down to the cemetery to visit her grave. We were both surprised to see th...

Yesterday started out really great. I was out enjoying my morning quiet time and coffee on the deck when I got a call from Lynette my bereavement nurse. A girl that I met last week to do some maternity pictures had gone into labor. You see, Lynette called me a few weeks back to ask me if I would be willing to document the end of this mothers pregnancy. She had just found out that her precious baby had trisomy 13 . When we met for the first time we totally hit it off. There is a bond so powerful between mothers that have gone through or are going through losing their child. We captured the most beautiful maternity pictures. We talked for ever after we were finished about everything. She and her husband were hit in the heart by this news at around 30 weeks when she went in for her baby views. Her doctor had missed all the signs that there was something wrong. They were very hopeful that their baby would make it through the pregnancy and be delivered alive so that they could ...

Happy Monday to you all. Wow is it a beautiful morning here in Arkansas. I am enjoying my hot cup of coffee on the deck this morning as I write this post. The birds are chirping so loud and I think today is going to be a good day. Spring is such an amazing time. We go through so many months where everything is brown and dead and then it seems like right in front of your eyes you can see the trees turning green and the plant budding out. Mamie's garden is bursting with blooms. The hot pink azaleas were the first to show their colors. Mom and Brit planted 200 pink tulip bulbs last fall while I was working a wedding. It has been such a surprise watching them pop up all around the walkway and by Mamie's bench. Everyday Taylor and I walk out to see what else is about to bloom. It is exciting to us to see new life in the garden. There are bee's buzzing around gathering nectar and we have already seen 2 butterflies fluttering around. The garden has been our little bab...

I am so glad it is Friday. Taylor and I are going to meet some of our good friends over at the races tomorrow for derby weekend and I can't wait. We have been twice this year and really haven't done very well. I think tomorrow is our day :) I posted a while back about signs . Do you all remember the night I talked about when Taylor, Alyson, Stuart and I were sitting out on the deck when a huge owl landed right beside us on a tree limb. It was the most amazing thing. She was beautiful. Taylor did some googling and we think she is a barn owl . Well I have gotten back to my morning walks around our neighborhood. Just the other day my neighbor (who lost her mother to cancer a few months after Mamie died) and I were walking around the lake. All of a sudden in the woods to our right we saw a bird with HUGE wings swoop down and pick something up and fly back up to a tree. YALL! It was that owl. I mean it might not have been that exact owl that came to our house but it wa...

These past couple of weeks have been a bit of a blur. Besides being extremely busy with work last week was also a very emotional one. Monday is where the craziness began. NILMDTS sends out a mass text whenever they have been called in for a photographer. That is when the text began coming in and continued everyday last week with another loss of a baby. It was overwhelming and just made my heart ache. Lynette has told me that there are peak times when this happens and Spring is one of those. There are just so many people due around this time. I was able to go and photograph my previous clients cousin sweet baby boy on Tuesday. This is my second session but my first full term baby. He was so beautiful. Dark hair with curls and the most precious face. I had to get myself in the zone to document all his little features that will last this family a life time. I think the hardest part was being there with this lifeless little body that was perfect in every way while just in the ...

Taylor and I decided to have a small Easter dinner at our house this year. It was kind of last minute so most of the family couldn't come. Becky and Lilla came over to hang out and hunt eggs. We hid all the eggs in Mamie's garden for Silas and Lilla to find. It was comical watching those two. They wanted to eat everything out of each egg they picked up. It was a great day to be surrounded by friends and family. It was yet another hard day, but we made it. :)