Skip to main content

4 Years

Today Mamie is celebrating her 4th birthday in Heaven.  WOW!  4 years.... I know people say this all the time but it really feels like yesterday.  It has been an okay day today.  I have been  in a quiet zone today.  Not really having a lot to say.  Just wanting to be quiet and think about my sweet girl.  We have stayed pretty busy up at the office getting things squared away after the race which has been good for me.  I will say I have been on the verge of tears all day.  It is so weird how crazy your emotions can be.  I really have been doing great lately.  I didn't cry at all at the race and today I tear up just thinking about her let alone talking about her.  Taylor and I took Burke and Winnie down to visit Mamie's special place after work.  I cut some of the pink hydranies in her garden for us to place at her marker.  It was a nice evening and her chime that Daniel and Candice hung in a tree sounded beautiful.  It was bittersweet sitting Burke and Winnie there with the flowers.  Seeing them at their sisters special spot.  I keep thinking of what she would be doing if she were here.  What she would be teaching Burke and Winnie.  But then I also think if she was here would Burke and Winnie be here.....?  When we got home all I wanted to do was snuggle with the kids and then after they went to bed I just wanted to be alone.  I know Taylor is sad too and I hope he doesn't think I was totally avoiding him.  I just needed some time.  I turned on my favorite show which happened to start after Mamie died "So You Think You Can Dance".  I curled up in my bed and zoned out.  Sometimes it feels good just to have a sad day.

Mamie, we miss you so very much and hope you had a wonderful birthday.

- Sarah
b

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Introducing Mamie's Poppy Plates

As you all know, I am Mamie's mom, and Mamie was my first child. I was pregnant with her from October 2008 to June 25th, 2009 when she was born a sleeping angel (stillborn) two and a half weeks before her due date. Stillbirth and infant death are realities that too many parents face even today. Did you know that each year 1 in 115 babies delivered is stillborn? And 1 in every 102 newborns die before the age of 28 days old? Now, a year after losing Mamie, I have started Mamie's Poppy Plates, my organization providing keepsakes for parents who are not able to take their babies home from the hospital. Because handprints and footprints are something that we cherish as parents of children in Heaven or here on this earth, I wanted to find a beautiful way to preserve such a precious reminder of our babies. Your donation of $13 will provide a plate to bereaved families who are delivering at St. Vincent Hospital. Their baby’s birth stats, hand and footprints will be stampe...

Waiting

It is the end of April and I really can't believe how fast the months have passed us by. From what I told you in an earlier post Taylor and I have been given the okay to try for another baby. Month after month has been really hard when it just doesn't happen. I keep telling myself that God has a plan for us. I believe that he will bless us with another baby but I know it will be on his time not mine. I am still going to my weekly acupuncture which I absolutely love. She calms me. We have also started a new journey. Last month we were sent to the fertility doctor. They are hoping to get my body on a normal cycle which I have never had in my life. The beginning process was pretty emotional for me. I just didn't understand why I was having to go through more testing. We know we can get pregnant. My body just needed a little help. The whole experience is not what I expected. The clinic is pretty cold and sterile. I am not saying that they aren't nice it i...

Please Pray!

Today has been a very emotional day. I got a text around 10am from NILMDTS that a baby that was delivered at 38 weeks was about to pass. I froze when I saw the text. It made me so sick to think of what that family was going through. The whole day my head has been in the clouds thinking of this family. Why does this have to happen? Just a little while ago Taylor and I were snuggled up on the couch having a glass of wine and watching tv when I got a call from one of my favorite wedding clients from a few years back. She began crying as she told me her cousin went in for her 38 week check up today and they could not find the heartbeat...... I immediately began having flash backs of me sitting in the ultrasound room as they told me Mamie had died. What is going on??? I just want to scream right now! My client wanted to know if I would be willing to photograph their precious baby once he was delivered. That was a question I didn't have to think about. I told her...