Silas and Mamie

Silas has always had this amazing connection with Mamie. He brings her up when she hasn't been mentioned in a while. He was only 22 months old when she died. We were cautious about how to handle death around such a young child. Brit and Jason explained to him that we were all very sad because we missed Mamie. They told him it is okay to cry when you are sad. From that time on he has included Mamie in his prayers. However, now that I think about it he was praying for Mamie before we lost her. Anyway, it was all very black and white for him. Mamie was in heaven. Over the past 2 years he has continued to process all of this and talk about Mamie. Since that day some of the sweetest moments have happened.

One of the first times I remember and I believe I shared it with you all was a few days after the funeral. We were all sitting in the den. I was still in my pajama's and I was in a total daze. Taylor turned on some music just to break the silence in the room. The song from Little Miss Sunshine came on that has no words. Silas began doing this sweet little dance around the room. It was a dance we had never seen. Usually he jumped around off beat like a normal toddler. But that day it was a slow soft glide as he swayed and tiptoed around. It was like he was dancing with her. We all started watching him. I began crying. It was so beautiful and very special. We will never forget that.

Another time I remember Mom mentioning was one day when it was a quiet ride in the car. All of a sudden Mom hears Silas humming a sweet tune we had never heard before. It was again, as if Mamie was right there with him.

Shortly after we lost Mamie I worked very hard to get her slide show put together. It was something I HAD to do. I guess it was part of my grieving. When I got finished I called my family and we sat around in the living room and watched as Mamie's story played out in front of us. Silas had become pretty used to seeing us cry by this point, but that particular night he went around with a box of tissues and handed each one of us one. He would say, "Kiki sad. Kiki miss Mamie."

One day this past year, Pibby picked Silas up from school. They stopped at their favorite place, Chick-fil-a to get ice cream and they gave him a balloon. It was a very windy day and Pibby wanted to hold the balloon but no Silas wanted to hold it. Pibby said, "Okay if you loose it you don't get another one." Silas sweetly said, "That's okay Pibby it will go to Mamie."

Silas always bring her up to Britney.

The fall after we lost Mamie I was with Silas one day and it was a hard one. I was crying and trying my best not to let him see me. However he did and said, "Kiki sad?" I told him I missed Mamie so much and that she was in heaven. Brit said later that night Silas was playing on the floor and he stopped and looked up at she and Jason and said, "Kiki sad, Mamie in heaven." They were amazed because this was the first long grouping of words he had put together (he was just barely 2 at this point).

As the years have gone by he still brings her up. The most recent was just the other day. It's crazy because I was having a pretty hard day that day and Brit asked me to go to Lowe's with her. I didn't tell her it was a bad day because I had that constant lump in my throat and I just didn't want to cry. As we were walking into Lowe's she said, "Silas brought up Mamie again this morning. It's so crazy because I hadn't even mentioned her." She said that she and Silas were eating breakfast and he asked her as he does often-

Mama, when will we go to heaven? She (once again) answered- When God is ready for us to go, baby. Silas said- God was ready for Mamie? She answered- Well, I guess He was.

Silas looked at her with tears welling up in his eyes- But Mama, I wanted to play with her....

Britney's heart breaking and tears welling up in her eyes she searched for an answer. She said-"I know you did, baby. I wanted you to play with her too. It would have been so much fun."

Silas said in a more curious way- "Mama, did Mamie come out of Kiki's tummy and live at her house and play with toys and then go to heaven?" Brit answered as best as she could without saying too much- "No baby, Mamie was in Kiki's tummy and then she died and went to heaven. She didn't get to come home." Silas sat there and thought for a minute and then asked if they could go swimming after school :)

When she told me this the tears rolled down my cheeks. It makes me feel so good for anyone to talk about Mamie but when my 4 year old nephew asks about her and tears up about not getting to play with her it breaks my heart but also makes it swell with love. He hasn't forgotten about her and that is awesome! It is so black and white to him and I wish we as adults could see death like a child. She is in heaven and he knows he will see her one day and they will get to run and play.

I know most of this doesn't mean much to you guys but WOW is it special for all of us.

-Sarah