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Hard Day

I am having a hard day today. The closer and closer I get to having Burke the more anxious and nervous I get. I miss Mamie so much and it brings everything back with how close this pregnancy is following with hers. I have been seeing the doctors twice a week and they are monitoring me so close. I always have it in the back of my head that if we had of done this with Mamie she might be here with us. I ache for her and for her to be here with us. The doctors don't want to induce me but I so wish they would. What if something happens to Burke? I am so scared and couldn't imagine losing another baby. They want him to come on his own which I understand but then again I don't. Why can't I be induced?....I am 35 weeks now and as you all know I am due a week before when I was due with Mamie. It is just so hard. I don't know if it would be any easier if I was due a different time of year. Probably not but I know God has a plan and I know he is watching over us. I have to keep reminding myself that Satan is putting these horrible thoughts in my head, and I need to keep my faith and lean on God. He will guide me thought these hard times. I hate when I have these days. They totally suck and you feel alone and like you can't go on. I know I have to have these days... but they SUCK! I head back to see Sellers on Monday and I really hope there is more progression and that Burke decides to come on.

- Sarah

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