The loss of another baby

Last week was another really hard week. We were super busy in the office when I got a text from my sweet sweet friend Mitzi saying they had gone in for their 20 week ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. I wanted to start screaming. WHY! Why is this happening to so many people that I love? Why does it happen to anyone at all. It just isn't fair. The pain you feel..... I can't even describe it. No one should have to join this horrible club. I immediately picked up the phone and called her back. As soon as I heard her sweet voice on the other end my eyes welled up with tears. She told me she didn't know what happened. I could tell she was in total shock. We closed down shop here and Britney and Amanda got out with me to go gather some very important things for Mitzi. Touch has been so important to me. Anything that Mamie touched is so precious to me. I headed to Target and found a soft cream blanket that we could wrap the baby in, I also found 2 books that really helped me through this past year. Gone but Not Lost: Grieving the Death of a Child and Grieving the Child I Never Knew. I really was wanting to find this other book called Naming the Child: Hope-Filled Reflections on Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death but I couldn't find it anywhere. I was kind of overwhelmed and angry at the book selection at Barnes and Noble. There was NOTHING. How could that be? I mean this is reality for so many families and there should be books on hand out there. Anyway enough on that.... :) I also included in her bag a wooden holding cross and I loaned her my beautiful prayer shawl that my minister gave me at the hospital before I had Mamie. I also talked to a friend that wanted to do something special for Mitzi and Whit. I told her to call Roberson's and get her a baby ring. She did just that. :)

Mitzi and Whit had a day to process everything before they went in to be induced. I was so relieved to hear that Dr. Sellers was on call and would be her doctor through out the day and night. I kept my phone by my ear the whole night. I don't think I slept a all. Thursday morning rolled around I rushed to get ready and sent Whit a text. So after I did the nurse from Baptist called and said Mitzi would be delivering any minute. I had all of my camera gear in the car and I rushed up to the hospital. I sat in the waiting room with family as we waited to hear. Suddenly the doors open and Whit came walking through. The pain and hurt on his face was all too familiar. The tears streamed down his face as he hugged family and told us that we could go back and see Mitzi and their precious baby boy. When I saw Mitzi in the bed holding her sleeping angel I don't even know what to say. It hurt so badly to see her right there where I had been, holding her lifeless baby. Isn't this suppose to be the happiest moment of your life?Having a baby? It was far from happy. Mitzi did have such a peace about her. She was so calm as she introduced her sweet baby to me. She held him close as she and Whit looked him over and compared him to their other two children. He was perfect.... just perfect! I began taking pictures and ended up staying at the hospital for about 5 hours. We placed him on the blanket that I brought and took pictures. I placed his baby ring around his tiny little hand. It was so beautiful. After weighing him and getting his length the nurse brought out a familiar box. It was a Mamie's Poppy Plates box. Never in a million years did I think I would be where I am or what I have been through. But having two friends within a month receive a MPP just seemed crazy. The nurse stamped his perfect little feet as I took pictures. Tears streamed down my face behind the camera. Why and this is not fair, kept running through my head. We finished up by putting his footprints in both Mitzi and Whit's bible next to Psalm 139:14 . What a beautiful verse. It says, "I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." How perfect is that. Mitzi and Whit decided to name their sweet boy, Weston George Penick. They had a family ceremony and buried Weston at Roselawn cemetery the next morning on one of the most beautiful days of the year. Mitzi and Whit are doing okay. I told them the pain will never go away. You just learn to live with it. Weston will be forever missed.

- Sarah