Poppy Seed

I woke up this morning feeling sick to my stomach and having a horrible headache. I decided to run a hot bath and as I was standing there so many emotions came rushing back to me. I felt like I was reliving those days after I had gotten home from the hospital without Mamie. All I wanted to do was crawl back in bed but I know that won't help at all. I decided to get myself dressed, make a big cup of coffee and spend my morning on the deck. I need some alone time. Time to myself to think about everything and be with the Lord. My heart hurts so bad today and the lump in my throat won't go away. There is not a day or minute that goes by that I don't think about Mamie. Some days are just extra hard. I feel so lost and alone. I ask God all the time what is my purpose? What am I suppose to being doing here? I know He has a plan for Taylor and I. Keeping my faith and leaning on Him is all I can do. We thank you all for your continued prayers. We love you Mamie an...

Last week we picked out the headstone for Mamie's grave. We had been told to wait around a year so the ground could settle. It is a simple headstone that will read Adams on one side with Taylor, Mamie's and my name. On the other side it will read Bussey with my parents name. Writing that all out was pretty emotional for me. Having to write her name as deceased was surreal. Beside Mamie's name we are having them engrave born a sleeping angel. I love that! Every time I go to the cemetery I have to take a step back. It always seems like a dream. I think.... am I really standing here at my daughters grave? Is this right? Is this a bad nightmare? We aren't suppose to lose our babies. She's suppose to be here with us. I quickly try to distract myself. I can't let myself think too much about what really happened. It makes me sick to my stomach and I know disaster is right around the corner if I let myself go to far. For those of you out there that ...

We are so sad this week because our sweet Grace has passed away. We have spent 10 1/2 wonderful and exciting years with her. She was the best pup. We always called her our super model because of her skinny legs, lean body and she always watched what she ate :) Never in my life have I known a dog that turned their nose up to steak. I remember the day I got her. I was a sophomore in college. I had two wonderful roomates and we thought we needed to add to our little family on Garland Street. I was pre vet that semester and had been studying different breads of dogs. The weimaraner, I had decided, would be my next dog. She was the cutest pup, and I fell in love the moment I saw her. These past 10 1/2 years have been wonderful with her around. She wasn't the most snuggly dog but she loved her mama and would sometimes crawl up close and curl up in a little ball. She was our little deer. :) Taylor and I have been talking about all the funny things she used to do today. It ...