Poppy Seed

As you all know, I am Mamie's mom, and Mamie was my first child. I was pregnant with her from October 2008 to June 25th, 2009 when she was born a sleeping angel (stillborn) two and a half weeks before her due date. Stillbirth and infant death are realities that too many parents face even today. Did you know that each year 1 in 115 babies delivered is stillborn? And 1 in every 102 newborns die before the age of 28 days old? Now, a year after losing Mamie, I have started Mamie's Poppy Plates, my organization providing keepsakes for parents who are not able to take their babies home from the hospital. Because handprints and footprints are something that we cherish as parents of children in Heaven or here on this earth, I wanted to find a beautiful way to preserve such a precious reminder of our babies. Your donation of $13 will provide a plate to bereaved families who are delivering at St. Vincent Hospital. Their baby’s birth stats, hand and footprints will be stampe...

On Mamie's birthday my family met Taylor and I for lunch at the Pantry before we headed down to the cemetery. It was a peaceful day and afterwards Taylor and I went over to Hot Springs to get away and just be together for the weekend. Someone brought a dragon fly down to the cemetery for Mamie. I had a feeling I knew who it was. Thank you Sarah for being such a good friend and loving Mamie so much. We love it! Taylor and I We bought 9 balloons. 7 to release and 2 to leave at her grave. It was such a beautiful day. It was so crazy, as soon as we walked up 2 baby kittens ran up. They walked all around us and on Mamie's grave. One of the kittens had a fun time running after Silas' string for his balloon. I so wish I got that on video. He ran and ran and that cat just kept following him. He kept saying, "no....no....." We all go a great laugh watching him. Silas by Mamie's grave. He kept saying, "Kiki, today is Mamie's birthday. Happy...

I can't believe it has been a year. All day today I have been looking at the clock and thinking remembering the nightmare we were going through. 10:30 I remember I was sitting in the doctors office as they told me they couldn't find a heartbeat. My doctor hugging me and praying with me till Taylor and my family got there. 12pm I remember they started to induce me. I remember how scared I was but how I felt like everything that was happening was all a dream. I just couldn't believe that Mamie was gone and I would be delivering a lifeless baby. I remember Taylor by my side and holding me in close. My family all around and friends coming in and out of the room. My eyes were practically swollen shut from crying. How has it been almost a year since I held my sweet little angel? I woke us this morning feeling so much peace. I was scared to sit down once I got out of bed because I didn't want my mind to wonder too much. Today was my day to finish things up for Ma...

This post is going to be short and sweet..... First off I know you all are wondering if we are pregnant or not. I am sad to say that we are not. I had a feeling it was a bust this month but I still was a little hopeful. It is really hard to understand what God is doing right now. I mean of all weeks in the year I have to get a negative today. In a way I feel like I am losing Mamie all over again. My heart aches and my mind keeps wondering back to this time last year. I was still pregnant and things were going great. What made everything go so wrong? I keep taking deep breaths and reminding myself that God has a bigger plan for Taylor and I. He's so good to us and has blessed us in many way. I will continue to be faithful and leave all my trust in Him. I really appreciate all of your prayers. We love you all very much and I know I have said it a million times but we are blessed to have each and every one of you. Even those of you out there that we don't even know...

Hey everyone, So today has been a better day. I woke up refreshed and ready to be productive. I thank you all for your prayers and comments. You don't know how much that means to both Taylor and I. When I receive them it just brings me back to that warm place of knowing there are many people out there praying for us. Even though it has almost been a year you haven't forgotten and that means the world. To all the people out there that have sent me messages that I have never met.......WOW...... I am tearing up right now just thinking about how special that is. God has brought so many wonderful people into our lives that we never would have known and for that I am so grateful. I went in for my weekly acupuncture this morning. It was really nice and relaxing. I am trying to keep my stress down to a minimum right now and I have to say that is easier said than done. We are still also going to the fertility clinic and will be able to take a test on Monday the 21st. I h...

These past couple of days have been pretty hard but today I have to say has been the worst. I feel like I am back at day one. The days after we came home from the hospital without our precious Mamie. The days we prepared for our daughters funeral. I went to bed last night crying out to the Lord. "Please make this pain go away! I hurt so much and I feel so alone." This morning I woke up early and headed out to the deck with my cup of coffee. I felt like maybe.... just maybe it was going to be a better day. I sat there working on an invitation for my daughters 1st birthday. To celebrate her and the fact that even though she never took a single breath in this world, she has touched so many lives. It shouldn't be this way. We should be getting together for her 1st birthday to celebrate the 1st year of her life. To watch her dig into her birthday cake tasting her 1st sweet yumminess. I sat there daydreaming about everything that would happen that day if she were ...