Poppy Seed

We spent Thanksgiving over in Hot Springs with Taylor's family. I was very nervous with it being 5mths since Mamie had gone to heaven. It was a beautiful day and we had a lovely time all hanging out. Taylor and I took Mamie's candle and had it lit for her all day. Mamie was remembered that day as we said our prayer and that meant a lot to both Taylor and I. Hayden & Cooper Jackson and Brayden

Today I woke up to the sun shining outside and the sound of the windchimes. I laid in bed for a while just thinking of Mamie. What would we be doing today if she were here? I miss her so much. This past week has not been the best for me. I have felt like I have gone back to the very day that we found out she was gone. My heart hurts and my arms ache from the emptiness of not being able to hold her. The other day I started crying when Britney and Silas were here. He stood at my feet looking up at me with sad eyes. Britney told him that Kiki was sad and it is okay to cry when you are sad. He kept looking at me and then he said "Kiki needs Mamie." As sad as I was right then I smiled and looked at him and said "I do need Mamie". He is so aware of everything. We hadn't even said her name and he knew. I pray for God to give me the strength to make it through the holidays without her. It just isn't fair! Her special candle will burn ...

A few Sunday's back it was a big day for Taylor and I. Mamie was honored at church for All Saint's Day along with the other people who have passed away this year. We were invited to the front of the church to light a candle for her. It was very special. That night St. Vincent's put on their annual candle light service for all the babies lost. We had tons of friends and family come and support us. The service was beautiful with songs of hope as well as a mom who told her story of her loss. I was so amazed by her strength. I hope one day I can do the same. After Carolyn finished speaking they began naming off the babies that have died this year along with later years. When Lynette began the month of June my heart began to pound. We walked to the front to light a candle for Mamie. I felt like I was about to fall to the floor. I never imagined we would be there lighting a candle for our precious baby. She is supposed to be here with us. Taylor and I then walked to the Christmas...